Hi, ok this is different to be able to share sories and maybe give anyone some hope or see the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I am 33yrs old. my first memories before 5, are of violence between my father horribly beating my mother. My mother yelling and hitting me. And the sexual abuse that started by strangers hanging around using or buying drugs from my father. Things did change about 6 weeks after my baby brother was born.i was 5 there was a drug sting at our duplex. My father is still in prison for drug and murder charges. Then the anger came from my mother. I never understood her anger until having my own children. I do not physically discipline my own children.i try to go to the restroom off I get too angry. We havnt had it easy. Before my mom abandoned me I was bound, tortured and raped by her boyfriend at the age of 12. My mother is a paranoid crazy person, who said my aunts and uncles paid for that monster to do that To me. My mom left my brother and I with any person. Any ways, I'm grateful I could protect my younger brother until she left met behind.at least I could keep him safe from pepper other than me. The guilt I have for beating and being evil to my brother I can never forgive myself for. Im glad that I can try to be a better mother than my own mother and teach my n to know that when I have passed that they will need each other. I have disciplined my older 2 sons with out some one there to tell me enough. I am grateful for my husband and having my daughters in my 20 s vs being a teenage mom of 2 precious sons.all I can do is make the best of life now and use my past as a how not to guide for my kids. I still struggle with PTSD and being bi polar but at least I can somewhat enjoy life.