He was my fathers friend. I trusted him. i was only 3 when it started, and my dad killed himself after finding out. I now have severe depression and post tramatic stress disorder. i cant sleep and i cant eat
TayGirl TayGirl
18-21, F
7 Responses May 13, 2012

Your dad would want you to enjoy life ...not just for you, but for him.<br />
<br />
What was taken from you can't be replaced... <br />
<br />
but it doesn't mean you're ruined, you're "damaged goods." <br />
<br />
I hope you laugh twice as hard,<br />
dance twice as often,<br />
love twice as hard. For him.<br />
<br />
And you.<br />
<br />
He'd love that, and I'd love that. <br />
<br />

I am a survivor of child hood molestation by my paternal grandfather. I am sorry you had to go through this. But please know that there are therapists that can help guide you. I am married with 1 daughter. My husband was also abused but by one of his older brothers as well. After I had my daughter I was diagnosed with PTSD and PPD. I have been receiving therapy since I was diagnosed. It has helped me in many ways. Please keep you chin up and be proud of who you are and know that you are a stronger person now. This was not your fault and that inner voice needs to hear you say that as well. Believe me when I admit any of my feelings about something it helps to relieve the stress and pressure.

You can't eat and you can't sleep; yet you have written your story on EP. Congratulations! This took great courage.<br />
I feel for you. I have been dealing with the impact of sexual abuse against me. Recently, I read a story on EP about writing a story to my inner child because it was she who suffered and was hurt so bad. You are young, but this 3 year old child lives within you. She is suffering, and she needs to know she is loved. She is you, and you can help her. <br />
You did nothing wrong. You were a child who was supposed to be protected. Your dad could not deal with the guilt that someone he knew could do something so hideous to his daughter. This is very sad. You were not responsible for the harm done to you, and you are not responsible for your dad's death. Free your little girl inside of you by telling her this so she can feel better. <br />
I hope you can get help from a trusted counsellor who will tell you that it was not your fault and will believe in you. I hope your counsellor can help you reach your 3 year old child inside you and guide you through helping her to heal.<br />
I believe in you. I believe you will conquer this and be victorious. I believe you will reclaim your power. At this point, the power this friend of your dad's and also your dad has over you will disappear.<br />
Keep writing. Don't give up.

The worst is past. Your suffering has been immense, but you have managed to survive and that is a beautiful miracle of your strength that no-one else can claim but you.<br />
<br />
Show your suffering loving-kindness. Give that grief your full open awareness, like a cloud in a boundless blue sky, and allow it to pass gently on.<br />
<br />



Wow...I'm so sorry.<br />