I Didnt Know, Until Recently


I am 25 now, and a guy

I have always stuggled through life with being nervous, anxious, low self esteem, poor self image etc

I knew I was "different" to my brother and my sister but I really didnt quite know why or how. when I was 21 I decided to see a hypnotherapist, purely with regards to having little confidence and poor self image.

I hade some in depth sessions with the hypnotherapist and after abiut 5 sessions, things started to come out which even I didnt beleive, talks of sexual abuse etc. I thought to myself, nothing like this happened to me, I a cancelled my sessions

Moving on 4 years later, now 25 I said to my family, I hate the way I look and im going to save and have surgery. my Mum said, theres something I need to tell you, something about your childhood that I need to explain, which is why you are the way you are now.

It turns out I was a happy child, until I started going to a new kindergarden at age 4 , I'd come home and not speak, have isues with clothes, and not mix well with other kids, it turns out that after some investigating, I was being exually abused my someone visiting the kindergarden for some time.

I can only relate my issues still, with what happened to me when I was younger, but why 21 years later, do I still hate myself if I didnt even remember this, I have never been in a relationship because I hate my self image that much, I prefer my own company to others but it's depressing

My parents thought it was best to keep it from me, they thought id have forgotten, that was a big secret to keep for so long, and I knew she wished she'd told me earlier now, I have never had any therapy other than the hypnotherapy sessions I cancelled, as i didnt think anything happened!

willbehappy willbehappy
2 Responses Jul 1, 2012

Thanks for the reply<br />
<br />
I will take a look for the book you mention, should be worth a read! at 25 I think its not too late to do something to help turn my life around

As children who are abused, our minds 'mentally block' these types of abuse as a form of emotional survival. But, alas, years later, the damage still resurfaces. There's a book out there called, "The Courage To Heal"; it's mostly geared towards ****** survival, but is for anyone who was sexually abused; and can help you understand how and why you are the way you are, and more importantly, how to get past it....