My Past Is My Scars........
As strange as this mood is, I am at peace with who I am & why I am the way I am. I have tried changing, tried losing weight to make myself more 'attractive'. I've tried to bury the fears, & work through the ghosts of my past. I have spent the last 10 yrs doing all that I could & none of it helps.
My weight keeps me "safe". It's not a logical reaction, it is a gut thing. The little girl inside me is so sure that the more she weights the less likely anyone will hurt her, so she eats. I am finally coming to terms with that. Whether or not I get the love we both deserve from someone who doesn't care about the weight remains to be seen. What is important to me is that I accept that I'm this way & love me anyway. It doesn't matter how much I weight, it's just a number & no one can be me. I am an amazing person with more love in my heart then most. If people are too blinded by their judgments, then to be quite honest........I want nothing to do with them.
I do what I can to keep myself as healthy as possible within the boundaries that my inner child has created. She is my first pirority because she's definitely been hurt enough & I will not allow her to be hurt again, especially by me. I treat others how I want to be treated. I try not to judge & most days I'm pretty good at it. There are things I can't do, but I accept it & concentrate on what I can do. That is what we all need to do, learn to love ourselves no matter what "flaws" we believe we may have. In the end, our spirits are just points of light, full of love & it won't matter in the end how "pretty" your shell was. What will matter is if you were happy with yourself. Have you been the best you today that you could be? That's the only question I ask myself every night now & I'm happy to say that most nights I can say YES I was. : )
Goddess Bless my friends,