Hoping For A Between The Bars Conversation.

College student at a very nice liberal arts school. How do I feel? Like the last person made to the collection of man continuously. 

So many things have went wrong since being here and nothing is looking into the positive. 

I went from being in love with the perfect person to being in love with an A55 (who does not love me or knows that I love him or wants to be with me who hooks up with me for kicks and loves to play mind games). 

I barely have money for books. I do not think I will have enough money to buy books. 

I need a job. 

My friends are growing to dislike me and I can feel it. 

I can't focus on work like I used to. 

I need a new internship and I don't know where to look. 

I am uncertain of my major. 

I virtually have no mentor. 

My friend thinks I like him and therefore is distancing himself away from me. 

I don't know what to choreograph to on my step or dance team. 

I have no inspiration to create a story. 

I keep listening to Elliot Smith's "Between the Bars". 

All of my sentences begin with either "MY" or "I". 

I do not know what else to say. I need some type of hope here. There is none and I am slowly something... I cannot figure out the word that is suitable to describe this feeling. I just hope to lose myself in play writing class this semester is all. I know I sound like a ranting brat but, these things concern me and I have no control over it all. I do not know if there is anyone who could help but I am ready for the recovery stage. I need to move on. If only this misery was over my life and my career and not this temporary awkward stage in college. Where is religion when you need hope? It is not in the heart if absent from the mind so maybe I should give in a pray. But over the years it seems that prayer has made everything substantially worse. I won't go into the stories but, all bad is all I can say. Where is the religion? I think it is hiding in my text books waiting to be analyzed. The path of a writer-to believe in nothing but human, the opposite of what is instructed in your Christian Bible. I wish Christ was my best friend. He seemed like such an ideal guy in the book. A man with red highlighted words. Ideal. What colored words does your man have? There is your religion, in the words of a man, or was it the spirit of a man? Nevertheless, in man. Dangerous. To rely on the vulnerable that would be silly but practices do continue in result of so. So where does Elliot Smith come in all of this rant? His voice is soothing and I don't feel like a total idiot while listening to him. There. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN6xPxkGn8I

DumbDummy12 DumbDummy12
18-21, F
Feb 7, 2010