The things that are short lived are the things that consume your mind endlessly. My guy and I met on Halloween of 2008. We immediatly just clicked. We ended up talking everyday for the next month. We had hooked up once at the end of that month and he stopped talking to me. I was devistated because I really liked him. But I was in the process of getting over it. Our group of friends is too close to explain. We both run in the same circle and it is a very clicky circle so was no escaping eachother. Not to mention everyone in the group has dated each other. So then a group of us took a weekend trip to Palm Spring and held ourselves hostage in our vacation house. The day we came back I was sick and decided to miss work. I got a call from my guy and he was crying and needed to meet with me and have someone to talk to. My feelings never fully went away but I had dated people in between. I decided if we were ever going to be good friends this would be something I had to do. So I went and helped him through his situation. He has always love the fact that he feels like 3 hours can go by but it only feels like he has been talking to me for 10 minutes. We started talking and hanging out again. I am extremely fickle and I don't believe in love or any of that and have a really hard time opening up. So the next year or so was the two of us going back and forth, being on and off, dating others and hurting eachother, all while growing closer and closer each time things were good. The time came when I found out he was seein me and two other girls at the same time. I was okay with it, but what he would do was focus mostly on one girl and ignore the others. So finally I had to tell him "Look you can date whoever you what because that is the only way you are going to know what you want but don't ignore the rest of us" and he came around and told both the other girls he thought they should be just friends and he chose me. But I was dating someone else. He stuck around and we ended up getting together again. He has already signed up for the Marines and for a long time I asked him to not even talk to me about it. It made me feel sick because it scared me. We dated at our best for a month and it was about a month before he would be leaving for bootcamp so in true me fashion I broke up with him thinking it would be easiest. He got really upset and his demeanor toward me was different, distant and rude. I hated it. So we hadn't talked about anything but we spent his last week here like we were together and we had never truley been happyier. For the first time in that year and a half I finally agreed to meet his mother. This was truley the peak of everything. Three days before he left I spent everyday crying. He knew I did, but for some reason I couldn't cry infront of him. He was a lot of firsts for me. The day he is about to leave his recruit calls and says something about bootcamp being backed up and he is home for another week. We were all so happy but I honeslty didn't think I could go through that goodbye again. The week went by and he left. I was a shell of myself for the first two months. I wrote him everyday. I cried all the time. I was distant and didn't talk to a lot of my friends and people at work even started to see I wasn't my peppy or sarcastic self. It started to effect everything. Then I became okay and started thinking to myself. I am only 20, is waiting four years for someone smart? I started to psych myself out. Because for the whole 8 or so months ending our first year of drama I wanted nothing to do with him. I gave up many times and screwed him around and for some reason he stuck around. He didn't date anyone else and he persued me until I gave in. I don't super persistant people but he did it in the right way. Yea it was annoying then....but looking back now I don't know how he waited around for so long. Meanwhile the first month his mother (who i met twice before he left) called me every day to check on me and he had boughten me a Marines teddy bear for christmas that he had his mom send and she included something for me. So I sent him a letter at bootcamp saying we should be on a break. He responded with, I compeltely understand, it's the time in both our lives where we need to know us first. I hated the responce but what could I ask for...So I meet two guys and we had our fun and I tried to date them but everything they did I measured to my guy. They never even came close and my friends all realized I set them to his standards before I did. Two weeks or so before he was about to graduate bootcamp I realized I was an idiot. What the hell was I doing. Obviously I wasn't ready to be done. I went with his family to the bootcamp and his mother had no idea we had broke up so she introduced me as the girfriend to his family and everything. We played the part....or at least we thougth we were playing it. I drove him home and the first 4 days were super awkward. We hung out all the time even one on one. But it felt weird. It felt like he didn't care for me at all. So I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings and was too scared to give it to him. Things got slightly better and he gave me a picture of him in his dress blues and he wrote on the back. The thing that got me was when he said "I can see myself with you in the long run" I don't believe in all that. I don't want to get married or any of that, but for some reason I did believe him. I figured if he could say that then I could give him the letter. So I did and he responded feeling the same. We spent his last week here with him helping me move into my new apartment and he spent the night everynight. He just left on teusday for SOI. I can't even stand to be in my apartment because he spent every moment I was there with me. He left without us decalring us being anything so everything is extremely up in the air. In the beginning of boot camp all of his letters were about how much he hated it and how he would do anything to get out of it and was doing anything. He got in a lot of trouble. But I guess it all turned around because when he came home it was all he talked about and now he loves it. I don't so much love it.
Written on March 25th, 2010