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I'm Not A Bad Person, Or Am I?

I'm not a bad person. I'm not selfish or cruel. I don't go out of my way to hurt people. I am human. I get frustrated, I get sad and lonely. Some days I just hate myself, some days I think that I'm only good for one thing. I am a good person. I need to say that until I believe it, because I've been told my whole life that I'm selfish, ungrateful, unlikable, and overall a bad person. I've been told this by my parents. My friends and acquaintances don't seem to see this, but I worry that maybe that's how I really am and one day everyone will just see what a **** I am. I try to do good because I think "If I do good maybe eventually I'll be good." but I feel the same sense of inadequacy and self-loathing. Can my parents not see what pain they've caused me? Do they just not care? Do they not realize how what they've said and done has poisoned my psyche? I get anxious when other people thank me or tell me that I'm good/kind whatever, because I think "If only you knew how I really am." Now I think "If only I knew how I really am", because I wonder if I'm so bad. I'm exhausted. I want to do and be good. I love my friends and family. I only want the best for them, but I wonder if maybe they'd be better off I wasn't involved with them. I would do anything for those that I love. Anything. I just want them to know that.
suileglasa19 suileglasa19 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 23, 2012

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i feel the exact same way. My bf thinks i am selfish and spoiled bc i came from a rich family but if you take one look at me you would think i was poor. i use my sisters handy downs and i have worked since i was 14. We are going on vacation soon and he tells me he's going to spend all this money on his family because they never get to experience anything but personally i feel they are just asking for money bc they no he has it.

I feel the same way. My mother tells my that I belong in jail. She says that I should stop talking because the more I talk, the more of a ***** I come off as. My teachers say that I'm absolute;y ruthless and vicious. My one teacher kept me in for recess to talk to me because she thinks I'd get into gun fights when i got older. Nothing could be further from the truth. Everything is twisted and used against me.

i feel exactly the same way

It would be benefit you to worry about yourself and make yourself happy, and then worry about others, it's great that you have others in mind, but you have to be 100% with yourself. Thanks for sharing your post.