Being Fat Keeps Me Safe From The World
Hi, my name is Brenda. I am 49 years old. I am 5'3" tall & I weigh 342 lbs. This is the first time I have written it or said it outloud. I don't talk about it & no one else around me says anything to me, like it is a dirty little secret. Some secret, huh? What is the first thing you see when you look at me? Is it the sparkly blue eyes, the big, open smile. No, what I see & what everyone else sees is that I am very fat. Very fat. So fat, that every movement gets more difficult & more painful with each passing day. I suffer from depression. My doctor says I have a chemical inbalance in my brain. I hate it. I hate that I have to take medicine for the depression. Does the medicine make me more myself or less myself? What my medicine does make me is fatter. I can't blame it all on the medicine though. It is my choice to put that junk food in my mouth. It is my choice to lay on the sofa instead of take a walk, However having adult onset asthma does hinder exercise. Being fat is my choice. What I want to figure out is why I choose to be fat. We all have bad things that happen to us in our lives. It is up to us as to how we chose to deal with those bad things. I am going to CHOOSE to join "Overeaters Anonymous" this coming week. This past week, I cut way back on my sugar consumption. I have actually been experiencing withdrawals, just like an addict! I heard a quote this week that so fits what I am feeling, so I repeat it when I am feeling hungry or sad from withdrawals..."It is not the pain of dying. It is the pain of healing'" This writing & all that I have begunrecently is a part of my journey of healing. Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers. Thanks for caring enough to read this.