Enough Blame... I'm Hurting Myself Period.

Im so sick of this heavy feeling and continued sadness that only seems to go away when I bite into something. The only time I feel good or like I'm doing something is when I'm eating. I hate to admit it, but my size keeps people at a distance both good and bad, and leaves me alone and filled with such emptiness that food is the only thing that is around to fill it. I am sad. I am lonely. I doubt myself and my abilities. If I were all the great things I thought, then how did I get to this point. I stopped looking at myself and just grew and grew. I ignored what I was doing and just kept eating. I don't do anything anymore. i work, I educated myself, but if you ask me my hobbies I EAT,I eat, I eat ... and I rarely feel full. My stomach hurts from the weight of the food, but I still feel hungry. Its scary this feeling of eternal emptiness and hunger. Its a void I fill with its creator, this vicious cycle of pain needs to be over. I need help breaking it.. Help Help Help.
MaestraMo MaestraMo
3 Responses Mar 5, 2011

Hi I'd like to help u when will u be online?

I understand what you are feeling and everything you said reverberates how i feel too. it is difficult but i hit rock bottom to realize that it was only me who could do anything about the weight and all the issues attached to it because huge weight gain is not just about food, it has core reasons behind it and those are perhaps more difficult to determine and then confront.....i'm in the process of doing that and its been 1 year and ive lost roughly 16 kgs, there is lots more to go but there is hope :) a little goes a long way, try to avoid giving in to a binge for 10 minutes and i find the need for eating goes away, i distract myself with tv or music or talking to a family member. here is wishing you lots of luck on your journey :) and i'm here for moral support .... all the very best!

I could have written your very words at the same age you are now. As you well know that there is no magic formula for losing weight. Nothing outside yourself will take the pounds away. Only what is inside you will bring you what you are seeking. Think of is as hope chest. You need to find many things to fill that hope chest that will help you achieve a normal weight. Those things are personal to you, it comprises an eating plan that you feel you can sustain for the rest of your life, a plan of action, a plan of changes in habits, obtainable goals, a support system, a journal, and most importantly, learning discipline.<br />
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Discipline is not a dirty word. It is a way of developing boundaries that protect you and your health. I am in the process of losing 160 pounds. I have lost 88 pounds so far. What I did was create my hope chest and fill it with all the things that have worked for me, that are positive influences and help keep me centered and balanced in all aspects of my life. For me, that is my Buddhism studies, meditation, hot baths, scented candles for stress relief, mirror work for getting to know my image, and learning to make choices about eating. I count calories, using a nutritional software with no limits, my only rule is that I enter everything I eat every day. I have done so for 76 weeks now. I cannot fail this plan. It has provided me with a true reality check. If I binge, every bite gets entered. I can connect the dots between what I eat and how I feel. But this is not about me, it is about YOU and the direction you want to take. I am always available if you want more support or ideas for things to put in your hope chest.