Hiding In Plain Sight
I am a 45 years old, 326 lbs, take way too much medicine for things that could be controlled if I lost some of the weight. I have 3 great kids and wonderful husband who accepts me for who I am and secretly worries so much about me. I grew up with 3 olders sisters who were much older than me and were much heavier too. I was the skinny one. Outgoing, fun loving, dated all the time. I swore I would never let myself get like them. I ate what ever I wanted with no fear because I was different than them. Boy was I wrong!! I started to notice the weight gain the year I was getting married. I had to get refitted for my wedding dress twice. I noticed that my mother was mentioning more and more that I was eating too much and needed to watch my weight. I still didn't care because I had a long long way to go to be like my sisters. I had great self esteem...25 years ago. Now 25 years later I've gained over 200 lbs. That fun loving extrovert is now an extrememly depressed middle aged women who tries to hide wherever she is. It takes everything I have to leave my house. I'm so uncomfortable. My body hurts all the time. When I'm with friends I'm constantly thinking about how embarrased I am to be so fat. I am embarrassed when: Flying - don't fit in the seats and have to pay for the extra seat. Sitting on the beach. Not fitting in restaurant booths or chairs. Being asked if I'm pregnant. Publicly breaking chairs your sitting in. Not being able to walk for 5 minutes without sitting down in the mall. I have to order my clothes in a catalog because you can't find your size in a regular store. I get those disgusted looks from people you know find you repulsive. I disgust my self. It's horrible. We all know what we have to do to turn this around. It takes small baby steps. Dieting and excersise. Why can't I just make myself do it? I don't know. Life suck when your fat!!!