It's Not A Real Life...

I agree with everything on your list. Personally, I can relate to everything you listed. It's very hard for me to go out into public because of the fear that someone will make a comment on my weight. I can't believe your dad had you working out like that when you were so young. I also know what it's like for your family to wish so hard for you to be thin, that even if they meant well, it really just feels like they're saying you're a disappointment. My dad in particular is pushing for bariatric surgery so I can "go on living." Really, it just makes me mentally shut down. I'm sorry that you've been through so much, and no matter what anybody else says, it's hard to know what it's like unless you've been there. I have PCOS as well, and I also feel that I'll never be thin. It seems so far away, to every be thin.

I know it's hard to be a bigger girl, and I know it can seem everyone making fun of you. But trust me, a lot of the time when I think people are making fun of me or talking about me they never are. I have never been made fun of for my weight. There are sooooo many guys out there who don't care about size. I have a wonderful boyfriend and he doesn't care if I'm a size 2 or a size 22. I get the picture thing, there are few pictures I like of myself but I realized the ones that I do, are ones where I was happy even if I'm in pjs and messy hair, because I was happy it makes me look good. And when you meet that man, he will tell you that you look beautiful, more so than any other woman. You will be happy.

Don't give up hope, so much of your list could be eliminated if you move past your insecurities. I know more than anyone how easier said than done that is. I've gone through years of hating my body, through anorexia to my size 16 now. But I'm happy, I'm comfortable with myself, I have amazing friends who love me, a wonderful guy who makes me happy and doesn't care what size I am, and it all started with me loving myself. No one will realize how amazing you are until YOU do.

Don't give up hope, it will all come together. :)

Oh hun... I have been where you are and I know exactly how you feel. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is a lot on this list that can be changed and it all starts with you. I agree with chairface, the power of change lies in your perception of yourself and the respect you build for yourself in your own mind. Once you alter your perception of yourself and you get your mindset right, nothing can stop you from being how you want to be. You are beautiful, you just have to start realising that yourself.

having someone tell you, you look good,



love a man that will love you back,



have sex,



have children,



get a good job,



going out in public without people making fun of you,



now the others..



two can be removed only if YOU begin to reshape your perception of yourself.



the other two are outside of you & your control and have to do with other's perceptions.



while you may not be able to change the way other's view you, you CAN change how they way they view you affects you..

there's a lot on your list that i'm sure could be erased from it.....