Well where do I start …… at the age of 37 I am 5ft 2in and weight 18 and a half stone with a BMI of 48 which the medical profession class as morbid obese. I have high cholesterol which at the moment I am trying not to take tablets for. I have a family history of heart disease, my auntie died at the age of 41 with a massive heart attack, my mum had her first heart attack at 42 then another one a couple of years later and then had heart failure a couple of years after that. To say she is lucky to be alive is an understatement. My uncle had his first heart attack in his early 50’s and once again is lucky to be here. My grandmother had type 2 diabetes, so does my mum at the age of 55, along with most of my mum’s cousins. My day had a stroke in his late 40’s which he has come through very well. So as you can properly tell my family history is not the best to say the least. I know what you are properly thinking “why the hell are you not doing anything about your weight with that family history” well yes I should god it’s not like I haven’t tried.
I have been to weight watchers, slimming world, had phentermine from a diet doctor (they sent me to a point of no return of a dark dark place which I would never wish to return). So as the years go by and the weight still piles on I thought I needed a bit more help since I have not managed this on my own. I made an appointment with my local doctor which for me was not easy as before I have never truly admitted I have a problem with my weight. You see I have this strange image in my head even though I know I am fat I only see myself as regular size which seems strange to some people. So sitting in the doctors weighing room I wonder what I am going to say to them. I get called in to see the doctor and as usual get asked what they could do to help, so I say that I need help with my weight and would also like to make it clear I don’t want to go down the root of any operations. The doctor just start there and looked at me and said “ well I am not sure what we can do to help really” at this point I can feel the tears start to fill my eyes, never have I cried over my weight before and I was determined not to start now.
I explain to her that I have high cholesterol and that there is heart disease in the family and she just sits there looking at me as though she wasn’t really interested in why I wanted to lose weight. She then offers me tablets that are called Orlistat and says that I need to look at my diet alongside taking these. I said I understood what I need to eat but know it and being able to do are to totally different things. I as if there are on support groups to help me, no sorry we don’t do anything like that and there is no point in me giving you the tablets unless you can do both. At this point there is no holding back there tears as I say well at this rate with my weight and family history I will be lucky to still be alive in 3 years’ time. The doctor just sits there looking at me as I cry uncontrollably in the chair apologies and says sorry but there is nothing I can do for you maybe try joining another slimming club.
I walk out the doctor’s surgery tears still rolling down my face wondering what was the point! Yes it’s easy to say join a slimming club but being a single working parent on a very low budget, as strange as it sounds that £5 I would spend on a slimming club would be feed my family for a couple of nights. I know some people will say “well you got yourself fat you get yourself thin” and “why should the NHS pay to help you, you made yourself that way” and yes I agree with that. Would people still be saying that when I am taking regular medication for my high cholesterol, the cost of my first heart attack, the cost of my first stroke or maybe the cost of me having Diabetes?
I am not looking for a quick fix, I am not looking for weight loss operation. I was just looking for some support in trying to re-educate myself to going back to basics and trying to pinpoint why I am I like this and why I don’t have the willpower to do anything even though I know what the outcome can be. I sit here writing this tears streaming down my face looking at my two beautiful boys and wondering what are they going to do if I am not around in a couple of years’ time. Will that hate me for not put them before my cravings for food, will people talk about how selfish I was for not losing the weight to be with my kids. Maybe they will I won’t know as I won’t be here. Maybe if it was the other way round and I stopped eating, all the help I needed would be readily available for me.
Just eat healthy cut out then sugar and fat I hear you say
Have smaller portions I hear you say
Get off the settee and exercise I hear you say
I have heard it all the before I have told myself a hundred time. So if it is that easy why can’t I just do it, why can’t I do them simple things. So I am still sat here wondering where I go now.
I do have to ask myself the next time I am at my doctors and they do my check up of height weight BP and then say to me “Miss Lynn you do know your BMI is 48 and classed as morbid obese you need to lose” what will I say to them?
Thank you for pointing that out once again.
Thank you are you in a position to help me?
Thank you for the printing out a list of every fruit and veg available and what meats to eat and what foods not to eat.
Thank you I didn’t know I was overweight by that much I will try and do something.
Or shall I just sit there nod my head say yes I know but thank you for your token gesture of pointing that out and offering no help what so ever as long you have done your bit on behalf of the NHS fighting Britain’s obesity
Not that I expect anyone to read this, I just needed to get it all out of my head before it sent me insane. Hopefully something in my head will click one day and I will be able to stick to a healthy eating plan or maybe one day it will be too late and I won’t be here to worry about it.

sorry this was sooo long
mlynn77 mlynn77
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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Can I ask you why you do not want surgery? There is nothing wrong with surgery, at all. I lost weight I had gained from pregnancy and was left with loose skin and had a tummy tuck just recently. it's a surgery and i dont regret it at all! I'm just saying, it's not the easy way out, nothing is easy. Even with a weight loss surgery it'll be difficult and there will be different struggles along the way.

Hi I don't know if you will read this reply, I hope so, as you have touched me. I too have a long term weight battle - loosing the war for the past 5 years and now topping over my previously highest weight (now over 19st) I know exactly what you mean re: people's comments and moreover the medical professions lack of comprehension and support. My GP thought I should join a commerical group (I have no job, no unemployment support and deep debt so spending money on this is not possible - why not a friend asked the other day, you spend it on food! True but food eases the pain in my head! Slim people will never get that. I wish you well with your battle and hope somewhere somehow you get some support (that by the way was what I typed and got to this site) Laura

Would love to help and coach u

There are a lot of overweight people. Society pretty much writes you off like your doctor did. You can change or you can't but there's not gonna be a lot of help for you :(