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What Its Like To Be Obese Like This...

 

Most people will never understand what it’s really like for someone who carries extra weight around with them their whole lives. I am prepared to share the complete, brutal, admittedly terrible truth with anyone who will listen to me on this day. Allow me to answer: “What is life really like for the fat girl?”   We can begin with the most obvious…appearance. You stare wistfully at your reflection in the mirror. No matter which angle you turn, you just don’t quite look right. The features on your face, no matter how beautiful they may be, are dwarfed by the extra fat you carry in your face. Your eyes, which may be wide and lovely, look small and particularly deep set in your skull. Your stunning high cheekbones; hidden in totality by the layers of tissue covering them. Your chin; pronounced, is a buoy floating on the sea that is your double chin. You can apply makeup, and help make yourself look better to a certain degree, but you know that no one is going to compliment your shade of lipstick today. The rest of your body is a mishmash of lumps and bumps, protrusions and strange angles that you know you simply cannot hide, regardless of what you wear.   Your desperation turns to panic as you raid your closet and realize that you have nothing decent to wear. Your panic escalates to heart failure as you remember that you won’t be able to find anything to wear…ever. The pants you own hug your belly, butt and thighs as if the cloth itself were holding on for dear life. The shirts you don only seem to accentuate your spare tire and bring attention to your ever-expanding waist. You realize this is as good as its gonna get and vow to avoid mirrors for the remainder of the day.   You leave for work. As soon as you exert yourself in the simplest way you begin to leak copious amounts of sweat from pores you didn’t even know you had. You are constantly plagued by this problem, and try to move as little as possible, because you know if you do, you’ll start to sweat again, and everyone will see it. If the bathroom, supply room, lunch room, whatever is downstairs you will put off going for as long as possible because you know that the simple climb up those stairs will cause those telltale beads of sweat to form along your brow…the one’s that scream “Look at the fatty, she cant even climb a flight of stairs without breaking into a sweat!!!”   You eat your lunch. Regardless of what you decide to have, you know that people are silently judging you. Salad or pizza, everyone is either thinking, “She should NOT be eating that” or “How pathetic, like a salad is going to fix THAT problem”. In addition, you struggle with your own guilt and self-loathing. If you pick the salad, you will be tortured with the smells of that penne a la vodka wafting off your friend’s plate. If you pick the pasta, you beat yourself up and don’t enjoy a single bite of it. Either way, you loose.   You go shopping. You dare not even attempt to walk into most of the stores in the mall. You have tried it before and were immediately put to shame by the disapproving glances of the sales people or your fellow shoppers. You realize that the largest size they carry is a 12, and since you are a 28, there is no way that is happening. Sadness overwhelms you when you realize all you can buy in the vast majorities of stores are socks, shoes, and earrings. You make your way to the “big girls” store and walk in, shameful, hoping no one saw you. Your heart aches as you ponder the wares being offered to you. Bottoms that are ill fitting and make you look twice as heavy as you are. Tops that are just as ill fitting that make you feel like you are wearing a garbage bag with holes cut out for the head and arms. Everything offered is in garish colors like lime green or neon pink. The materials used are cheap polyester blends that just intensify your own body heat and will make you (surprise!!) sweat like a pig. You may find a few items that could potentially look OK on you and you say a prayer as you take them to the fitting room. As you try these items on you are not surprised by the result. You look fat…and the clothes only make it that much worse. Of course you need pants and sweaters, so you buy the closest thing to “ok” that you can find. Naturally you pay more for these items than your thinner counterparts because the stores know you only have one or two retailers to choose from, so if they charge 60.00 for a pair of basic black slacks…you are gonna have to pay it. No $10.00 items for you fatty!   You go out with your friends. While your thin girlfriends get drink after drink bought for them, you bear the shame of reaching into your wallet over and over again. While they attract positive attention, flirt shamelessly, steal kisses and get numbers you hover near the bar, pull at your ill-fitting clothing and wish you were invisible. If by chance some guy happens to pay you some attention you now its one of three things…Either; the guy is not someone that you would want to be with, they are super drunk and rocking beer goggles, or it’s the work of the super hot guy who is trying to bed your thin friends wingman. Sure, it could be just a guy who likes bigger girls…but come on, who the heck are we kidding?   You know deep down that you will never attract the kind of guy you would want to be with long term. That perfect guy, who is fit and handsome, has a great job and a great personality, who is funny and witty, who has great friends and a great family, who you would be proud to have on your arm and who will treat you right. That decent guy is out there, and although he would never be mean to you because he is far to kind, and although he would never poke fun at you because his mother taught him good manners, and although he may buy you a drink because it is the polite thing to do…you know that he will never turn to you, gaze into your eyes, kiss you softly and tell you that you are “the one”. Why? Because he is not attracted to you. Sure, you can get a guy, get a date, get someone to take you home…but is that really the guy that you would pick if you could pick anyone? The answer is NO. Let’s be honest.   You live carefully and are forced to ponder and worry about things your thin counterparts give absolutely no thought to. When you take a ride in a friends car you worry that you will not be able to fit in the backseat, and if there are others riding along, you worry you will squish them. The idea of getting into a two-door cars backseat terrifies you. How will you be able to get in and out gracefully? You won’t. Period. Going to a movie theater or a show strikes fear into your heart because you know you will either not fit in the seat or will be squished into discomfort taking the person to the right and left to the same hell you will be visiting thanks to your encroaching fat. Getting on a plane makes you nauseous. What if the airline decides you need two seats? What if the seatbelt doesn’t reach? What if you cant fit in the seat? Let’s say all goes well and you are not asked to pay for another seat, you cannot mistake the looks of disgust and anger on the face of the guy you are sitting next to. You knew what he was thinking the entire time you walked down the aisle…”Please don’t let her sit next to me…please God”. Then you sit, you buckle your belt (if lucky) and then are embarrassed by the flight attendant who makes it a point to check your belt just to be sure you got it on. She checks you because she figures you weren’t able to buckle it. You can’t fault her for doing her job, but your face burns with shame for the rest of the flight.    Then there’s your health. Your knees creak under your added weight. Your feet swell and throb due to the extra pressure placed on your feet. Your back hurts all the time because of the extra girth you place on your poor vertebrae. Your skin expands and is ruined by silver gray streaking stretch marks that tear through your pink flesh as if being done by an invisible ripper. You suffer through pimples, blackheads and boils that form in the places where your fat rubs together over and over again. Your inner thighs and underarms are stained permanent brown due to the fact your skin has thickened thanks to the constant friction. Your blood pressure is above normal, you are pre-diabetic, and your cholesterol is sky high. Of course even if you are able to kid yourself into thinking you are “totally healthy” you cannot deny knowing that if you stay at this weight you will NOT stay that way forever.   Your friends and family are supportive and you know they love you but they will not let you forget, not even for a moment, how much weight you’ve gained or how much better you would look if you lost some weight. You know they are right, but it still hurts when they bring this up. You feel inadequate and useless. You try to fool yourself into thinking that its ok to be fat like this. You read up on sites that proclaim “FAT? So what..?” and study sites that rally for fat acceptance. You hear people that look just like you proclaim that they are happy with their weight, that they love their bodies, and that they wouldn’t change it for the world. You listen to them say that society is the problem and that others should be more tolerant because we are all meant to be different. You pump your fist in righteous indignation and agree with them, heck, you may even truly come to believe in their bylines. However, there is always a part of you that knows that what you are is not accepted, not natural and not attractive. You know, deep down, that you are the problem…not everyone else. You also know that if a magic potion were offered to you that would melt away your fat and make you lean and toned you would take it without hesitation. You also know that all those “fat acceptance” people on those websites…deep down…would too.  

This is the reality of being obese. This is what it is like. Maybe not everyday, but just enough days to make you really seriously consider becoming a hermit. 

nomorefatty nomorefatty 31-35, F 33 Responses Oct 24, 2009

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I feel every word.

And don't forget that every single ailment or illness you present to a doctor is caused by you being fat, because thin people would never get those things! And then you have to admit that, okay, some of the things you suffer from would probably lessen or disappear with weight loss.

I did become a hermit. I am agoraphobic and have not left the house without my partner in sixteen years. The trouble is you cannot hide, there are always places you have to go and people you have to encounter, and eyes full of judgment whenever this happens.

I wonder how it would feel to be a real woman in the sight of these people ... not just a fat woman, a stupid woman... because I must be stupid, right, I mean I am really, really fat and only thickos are this fat. So I am spoken down to, with eyes slightly averted and, if I answer with humour or cleverness, embarrassment. Look at the chubby trying to be cool and smart!

I hurt a lot inside.

This is an incredibly honest post. I've been big all my life... I used to lay in bed when I was a teenager and list all the things I would give up in order for that one magic wish - "Lord have mercy just make me thinner". But, I got used to my curves and rocked it for a while. Somehow, moving to Massachusetts made me bigger. I started at a 20, getting winks from guys on the train, to a 26 now, getting a flirty smile every blue moon. The change is horrible and sometimes demoralizing. Everyone tells me I'm pretty, etc etc but I know I could be better.

Like everyone here, I sympathize. In fact, to the point where your post almost made me cry. And, I would like to point out, I too eat about 1800 calories a day and moderate exercise and see no weight loss. So... I get it. I wish I had more positive insight, but I don't. I only have this: the solution is somewhere, waiting, and it won't be quick (still waiting on that magic potion) but it'll work.

Hi I'd like to help u lose weight

I have gone up to .353 pound I do not qualify for the surgery so I'm trying to find other ways of losing weight. I know how hard it is I've lost regain lost regained.

Its a ****** nightmare...Fat acceptance my ***. Schools, The White House, even t.v. (The Biggest Loser/ Extreme Weight Loss) are fighting this problem. How can I as a fat man feel accepted when society doesnt except you. Even countries will throw you in jail/ China...It's time to hit the gym hard...every ****** day.

This is the best thing I have ever read on what it's really like to be fat. I also would add that as a fat person I continue to get fatter because I don't want to go out for fear of having total strangers yell things at me when I walk by. So I sit at home instead of going out and don't do things I want to do like join a gym, spend a day shopping at the mall, or learn to swim.

beleave me I know just how you feel.. funny thing is a lot of us don't want to be with other fat people. most people over look who we really are. we have feelings, and for what ever are reasons we became obese . don't give up be who you want to be. I got lost for awhile now in my 50s, still trying to get back to what id like to be again.

this is just accurate

Just do creative things like music or art.

I never looked at it that way. Most ppl I know who's a plus size are for the most part overbearing. One girl I knew was like the devil daughter (think Mo'nique) she probably was insecure but demanded her insecurity onto everyone else that breathes, she got me good but back then I never could imagine what her life was like I was extra thin now I'm right size, she still seem depress about life and on top of that she buys into "soap opera" illusion thanks to her loving family who made her feel alienate for being born......I can empathize with majority never sympathize but this girl almost sympathize with only cause hurt ppl hurt ppl and she is HURTING!! notice she has a wandering eye maybe that's another reason she hates many.

I have been thin my whole life. Your thoughtful, honest, and well written story gave me insight as to what you deal with on a daily basis. It takes serious bravery to be so honest, and now I feel so much more compassion to those dealing with obesity. I have chronic pain, and any major issue with health is so hard to cope with. I understand. Thank you for giving me some perspective about what you deal with as an obese girl. You are a beautiful person.

Do something about it before it's too late? I think people are critical because they're incredulous at your letting a life-threatening problem continue & escalate. So many humiliations, inconveniences, discomforts & embarassments...one solution...So many incurable diseases vs one that can at the least be managed with (albeit GREAT) effort. Look at a child with cancer, a kid denied the choice to live. Choose life & happiness is likely to follow! Not easy by any means, yet so simple once you break from the influences that tell you half a life is the best you can hope for. Train you body to match your smile & your personality...I bet you're one gorgeous girl!

Wow! You have wrote it perfectly. Everything I have ever felt is in this... It is nice to know I am not the only one feeling this way. I am a size 28 and close to 400 pounds. This is how I feel. Everything I do is affected by my weight. You would think that would be enough for me to be able to starve myself or at least get up and work hard and eat right every single day, but I keep messing up. Why is it that I can't get it together even after feeling like this every single day?!?!?!?!

Love your fat self. Many non white men love heavy women. You just need to be around positive friends

thank you for sharing your special story. Are you looking for help?

I tofeel for you,but have you ever bothered to think that youare a bit of a hypocrite?I'm a 56 year old white man who shouldI daresay is considered fat at 255?Ive finally come to the realization that fat ladies are extremely beautiful,and I'd LOVE to make a fat lady my wife.My only problem is that my cash isn't as fat as I'd like.This fat (and would like to gain alittle more) man would be happy to show you off.It's really more important for you to be happy,and hopefully find a guy like me,whom youd have something in common with.Judge me on my actions and deeds,not my size.If a skinny person decides to judge me by my weight,**** them a,and the horse they rode in on!Good luck hun,correspond with me if you'd like.You are a bit too critical of yourself,beautiful!

Well, sadly she is rite. I weigh around 500 lbs, and I could farther elaborate on this. She is just touching the tip of the iceberg.

Thank you for writing this. I travel frequently and sometimes my my Mother comes with me, but she has a lot of trouble. She is obese and I'm afraid I haven't been patient with her because I never really understood what she goes through. When we went to Rome two years ago she couldn't fit into the shower in the hotel room and she broke down and cried and I didn't know how to help her. <br />
You write very well, have you considered writing a blog or even working on a book?<br />
Good luck to you and I hope you succeed.

u've captured the experience of being obese perfectly, its hard to be so eloquent about something so personal and painful....kudos :) !

You are beautiful the way you are. It takes guts to live day to day with a disability. I have Tourette syndrome and I am chubby so I kinda know what you mean by the social stigma of things.<br />
Just love yourself.

I can relate to everything in your post, although I've had several boyfriends that were very attractive and built quite nicely... I have no idea why they are attracted to me. However, I will note that not one of those men was a white, North American male. Black? Yes. Japanese? Yes... Greek? Oh yeah! Even Armenian. There have been a few white men that seemed to want me but they either wanted it to be kept secret or they were chubby chasers **shudder** and yeah... I'm fat. <br />
<br />
I hate being this size. I hate that people watch what I eat (yeah... I see them watching). I hate food & eating to the point that I can't even bring myself to carry snacks for my son (5 yrs). I despise going into a regular store to try to find clothes for my very thin, tall child. My favourite experience occurred when I stopped in a Club Monaco to find out the smallest size they carried.... the sales girl looked me over from head to toe and said... "are you sure you're in the right store?" WTF?!?! Whatever happened to "Can I help you?" I'm a fat adult... I think I can tell when a store's largest size isn't going to fit my thigh! She ended up getting fired right then and there.<br />
<br />
As for mirrors... I seriously haven't looked in one for years. I refuse to have pictures taken... I tell everyone I'm allergic to film... lol!!<br />
<br />
As much as I hate my size... I don't want to be a stick... my goal has never been to be a size 10 of smaller. I like being curvy. I do want to lose some weight, I'm currently a size 24... I'd like to get to an 18 and see how I feel then.<br />
<br />
I will say this... I do agree with the posters that said you need to see/talk to someone but not necessarily a shrink. Remember this one thing... 'cuz it helped me when my head was in the same place yours is...<br />
<br />
You will never begin to change unless you accept & love yourself first.

I can relate to everything in your post, although I've had several boyfriends that were very attractive and built quite nicely... I have no idea why they are attracted to me. However, I will note that not one of those men was a white, North American male. Black? Yes. Japanese? Yes... Greek? Oh yeah! Even Armenian. There have been a few white men that seemed to want me but they either wanted it to be kept secret or they were chubby chasers **shudder** and yeah... I'm fat. <br />
<br />
I hate being this size. I hate that people watch what I eat (yeah... I see them watching). I hate food & eating to the point that I can't even bring myself to carry snacks for my son (5 yrs). I despise going into a regular store to try to find clothes for my very thin, tall child. My favourite experience occurred when I stopped in a Club Monaco to find out the smallest size they carried.... the sales girl looked me over from head to toe and said... "are you sure you're in the right store?" WTF?!?! Whatever happened to "Can I help you?" I'm a fat adult... I think I can tell when a store's largest size isn't going to fit my thigh! She ended up getting fired right then and there.<br />
<br />
As for mirrors... I seriously haven't looked in one for years. I refuse to have pictures taken... I tell everyone I'm allergic to film... lol!!<br />
<br />
As much as I hate my size... I don't want to be a stick... my goal has never been to be a size 10 of smaller. I like being curvy. I do want to lose some weight, I'm currently a size 24... I'd like to get to an 18 and see how I feel then.<br />
<br />
I will say this... I do agree with the posters that said you need to see/talk to someone but not necessarily a shrink. Remember this one thing... 'cuz it helped me when my head was in the same place yours is...<br />
<br />
You will never begin to change unless you accept & love yourself first.

Amazing ....you hit the nail right on the head my dear.

Wow! I could have written this myself! This captures life in eyes of a very overweight person perfectly!

First of all, I am sorry that you've had such awful experiences that you feel so badly about yourself. <br />
<br />
I, too, am obese. I have been for many years. I can't actually remember a time when I was thin. I am currently a size 24. <br />
<br />
I have to say, I share absolutely none of your experiences except the difficulty of finding clothes that are my type in the "fat girl store." I am perfectly able to walk up and down steps--and do, many times a day for my job--I have perfect blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate, and I've never had a problem with sweating. The only foot/leg problems I have come from the fact that one of my legs is slightly longer than the other, not because I'm fat. I live in Seattle and I'm constantly walking up and down hills to get anywhere, and since I don't drive, I am always walking.<br />
<br />
I am not ashamed of myself. I happily eat in public and I feel comfortable and attractive in the clothes that I wear. I am not a drinker, so I can't share any sympathy for your bar experiences, but I have never had a problem with relationships in the past. I am currently with a kind, slender, handsome, charming man who tells me how beautiful I am every single day. I have never "settled" for anything less. If I thought for a moment that someone I was dating wasn't totally into me, that would be the end of the relationship--as it should be for anyone!<br />
<br />
I'm not trying to put down your experiences, but please understand that they are YOUR experiences. I am obese and I come from a long line of beautiful fat women who all lived well into their 90's. Women who were fat through two World Wars and the Great Depression and who taught me that if I want people to love me, I have to love myself first. This is what it's like for YOU to be obese, but not for everyone, and I am sorry that it's like this for you.

If you are a size 24 you are not " walking everywhere" if you are you are seriously over eating.It is one thing to love yourself it is another to be morbidly obese and ok with it.

I read you response and I hear my 24 year old self talking.

I can relates to your reply in every single way.

I have been obese my whole life and through my twenties, I was just like you, very happy with myself, boyfriend in tow. Size 24, very active still and. Proud of who I am. My Parents taught me to accept and love myself for who am I - Not what I look like.

Fast forward 13 years.

I am happily married, I have a great job, but my Body is calling me in my ****.

My knees, no longer able to support this plus size active body have given out. I need a new knee at 37. It is hard to be as active so I am now a size 28. My blood sugar levels are near pre diabetic, and I am being tested for Sleep Apnea tonight.

My Acceptance and apathy towards my unhealthy self have led me directly to where I am now.

Please - love yourself - but don't accept anything less than your Best Self.

Your Body won't continue to tow the line for you - trust me I know.

I respect and admire your confidence and energy - please take the time to consider how things might be in the future.

Can you really expect your body to take **** and abuse for years with no consequences?

I am not an obese person, however i have struggled with my weight my whole life as you have. I am never happy with the way i look even when i am thin. Eventhough, I have to find a way to not be so hard on myself when i gain weight or go off my diets. I think we each have to learn to love ourselves and try not to care if we are being judged. The people who judge us only do so because they are lacking within themselves and that makes them turn their attention on the other person's flaws. We must learn to love ourselves to accomplish the things in life we trully want and to flat out not give a care to those peoples thoughts. who cares what they think anyways.

I hope you feel better very soon., this story made me regret how much I taunted my younger sister when we were in high school and younger she is overweight and self concious about it..Actually I have always regretted taunting her - but this story makes me wonder how she felt when I did it.<br />
<br />
Good Luck -

You have quite the excellent vocabulary

This was very heartbreaking and quite uncomfortable to read because it hits a nerve. That, to me is a really good piece of writing, you are writing the truth as you see it and making people aware it's wrong to judge people based on appearance. I hope you find the answer and happiness - and most importantly a job as a writer. You have a talent.

very well written, wish u luck..

I'm sorry for your pain, but with this may be YOUR "brutal truth" ... but it is not for everyone. I am the same size as you, and this is FAR from the truth of my life. Yours does not have to be this way either. Your focus on what others think about you is something you need to come to grips with. <br />
<br />
I am 43, size 28 -- I am married (met my husband and got married fat). I have a great job, go to the gym regularly and work with a personal trainer, eat well. No stained skin, I don't sweat excessively, can walk up several flights of stairs easily ... because I exercise regularly. When people stare or glower at me, I stare and glower back at them. Who are they to be judging me, anyway? My blood pressure is well controlled, blood sugar levels normal, cholesterol enviable. I am HAPPY. You do NOT have to be thin to be happy or healthy. Happiness is not just for thin people, nor is health.<br />
<br />
More than anything, it sounds like you are depressed. Really, not all fat people are depressed (I've been there, so I know when I am and when I'm not). Please, seek out a mental health professional in your area who specializes in eating and body acceptance issues. You do NOT have to live with these thoughts, with this focus on what others think about you, no matter what you weigh.

I'm glad your happy. Too many people aren't these days!

But are you staying that size on purpose? If you workout and eat 'well' and don't seem to have any health issues to be keeping you this way, it's actually not physically possible. You'd have to eat AT LEAST 4000 calories per day to maintain your current state...I'm not trying to be rude I'm just very curious!

This is a big part of the myth of weight loss. Mist people who are very fat have highly efficient metabolism and don't eat as much as "standard" calorie/weight charts suggest they do. I eat a bit less than 2k calories a day and my weight has been about the same since I wrote this 4 years ago.