What Its Like To Be Obese Like This...

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31-35 year old woman
5 experience groups and 5 stories

Most people will never understand what it’s really like for someone who carries extra weight around with them their whole lives. I am prepared to share the complete, brutal, admittedly terrible truth with anyone who will listen to me on this day. Allow me to answer: “What is life really like for the fat girl?” We can begin with the most obvious…appearance. You stare wistfully at your reflection in the mirror. No matter which angle you turn, you just don’t quite look right. The features on your face, no matter how beautiful they may be, are dwarfed by the extra fat you carry in your face. Your eyes, which may be wide and lovely, look small and particularly deep set in your skull. Your stunning high cheekbones; hidden in totality by the layers of tissue covering them. Your chin; pronounced, is a buoy floating on the sea that is your double chin. You can apply makeup, and help make yourself look better to a certain degree, but you know that no one is going to compliment your shade of lipstick today. The rest of your body is a mishmash of lumps and bumps, protrusions and strange angles that you know you simply cannot hide, regardless of what you wear. Your desperation turns to panic as you raid your closet and realize that you have nothing decent to wear. Your panic escalates to heart failure as you remember that you won’t be able to find anything to wear…ever. The pants you own hug your belly, butt and thighs as if the cloth itself were holding on for dear life. The shirts you don only seem to accentuate your spare tire and bring attention to your ever-expanding waist. You realize this is as good as its gonna get and vow to avoid mirrors for the remainder of the day. You leave for work. As soon as you exert yourself in the simplest way you begin to leak copious amounts of sweat from pores you didn’t even know you had. You are constantly plagued by this problem, and try to move as little as possible, because you know if you do, you’ll start to sweat again, and everyone will see it. If the bathroom, supply room, lunch room, whatever is downstairs you will put off going for as long as possible because you know that the simple climb up those stairs will cause those telltale beads of sweat to form along your brow…the one’s that scream “Look at the fatty, she cant even climb a flight of stairs without breaking into a sweat!!!” You eat your lunch. Regardless of what you decide to have, you know that people are silently judging you. Salad or pizza, everyone is either thinking, “She should NOT be eating that” or “How pathetic, like a salad is going to fix THAT problem”. In addition, you struggle with your own guilt and self-loathing. If you pick the salad, you will be tortured with the smells of that penne a la vodka wafting off your friend’s plate. If you pick the pasta, you beat yourself up and don’t enjoy a single bite of it. Either way, you loose. You go shopping. You dare not even attempt to walk into most of the stores in the mall. You have tried it before and were immediately put to shame by the disapproving glances of the sales people or your fellow shoppers. You realize that the largest size they carry is a 12, and since you are a 28, there is no way that is happening. Sadness overwhelms you when you realize all you can buy in the vast majorities of stores are socks, shoes, and earrings. You make your way to the “big girls” store and walk in, shameful, hoping no one saw you. Your heart aches as you ponder the wares being offered to you. Bottoms that are ill fitting and make you look twice as heavy as you are. Tops that are just as ill fitting that make you feel like you are wearing a garbage bag with holes cut out for the head and arms. Everything offered is in garish colors like lime green or neon pink. The materials used are cheap polyester blends that just intensify your own body heat and will make you (surprise!!) sweat like a pig. You may find a few items that could potentially look OK on you and you say a prayer as you take them to the fitting room. As you try these items on you are not surprised by the result. You look fat…and the clothes only make it that much worse. Of course you need pants and sweaters, so you buy the closest thing to “ok” that you can find. Naturally you pay more for these items than your thinner counterparts because the stores know you only have one or two retailers to choose from, so if they charge 60.00 for a pair of basic black slacks…you are gonna have to pay it. No $10.00 items for you fatty! You go out with your friends. While your thin girlfriends get drink after drink bought for them, you bear the shame of reaching into your wallet over and over again. While they attract positive attention, flirt shamelessly, steal kisses and get numbers you hover near the bar, pull at your ill-fitting clothing and wish you were invisible. If by chance some guy happens to pay you some attention you now its one of three things…Either; the guy is not someone that you would want to be with, they are super drunk and rocking beer goggles, or it’s the work of the super hot guy who is trying to bed your thin friends wingman. Sure, it could be just a guy who likes bigger girls…but come on, who the heck are we kidding? You know deep down that you will never attract the kind of guy you would want to be with long term. That perfect guy, who is fit and handsome, has a great job and a great personality, who is funny and witty, who has great friends and a great family, who you would be proud to have on your arm and who will treat you right. That decent guy is out there, and although he would never be mean to you because he is far to kind, and although he would never poke fun at you because his mother taught him good manners, and although he may buy you a drink because it is the polite thing to do…you know that he will never turn to you, gaze into your eyes, kiss you softly and tell you that you are “the one”. Why? Because he is not attracted to you. Sure, you can get a guy, get a date, get someone to take you home…but is that really the guy that you would pick if you could pick anyone? The answer is NO. Let’s be honest. You live carefully and are forced to ponder and worry about things your thin counterparts give absolutely no thought to. When you take a ride in a friends car you worry that you will not be able to fit in the backseat, and if there are others riding along, you worry you will squish them. The idea of getting into a two-door cars backseat terrifies you. How will you be able to get in and out gracefully? You won’t. Period. Going to a movie theater or a show strikes fear into your heart because you know you will either not fit in the seat or will be squished into discomfort taking the person to the right and left to the same hell you will be visiting thanks to your encroaching fat. Getting on a plane makes you nauseous. What if the airline decides you need two seats? What if the seatbelt doesn’t reach? What if you cant fit in the seat? Let’s say all goes well and you are not asked to pay for another seat, you cannot mistake the looks of disgust and anger on the face of the guy you are sitting next to. You knew what he was thinking the entire time you walked down the aisle…”Please don’t let her sit next to me…please God”. Then you sit, you buckle your belt (if lucky) and then are embarrassed by the flight attendant who makes it a point to check your belt just to be sure you got it on. She checks you because she figures you weren’t able to buckle it. You can’t fault her for doing her job, but your face burns with shame for the rest of the flight. Then there’s your health. Your knees creak under your added weight. Your feet swell and throb due to the extra pressure placed on your feet. Your back hurts all the time because of the extra girth you place on your poor vertebrae. Your skin expands and is ruined by silver gray streaking stretch marks that tear through your pink flesh as if being done by an invisible ripper. You suffer through pimples, blackheads and boils that form in the places where your fat rubs together over and over again. Your inner thighs and underarms are stained permanent brown due to the fact your skin has thickened thanks to the constant friction. Your blood pressure is above normal, you are pre-diabetic, and your cholesterol is sky high. Of course even if you are able to kid yourself into thinking you are “totally healthy” you cannot deny knowing that if you stay at this weight you will NOT stay that way forever. Your friends and family are supportive and you know they love you but they will not let you forget, not even for a moment, how much weight you’ve gained or how much better you would look if you lost some weight. You know they are right, but it still hurts when they bring this up. You feel inadequate and useless. You try to fool yourself into thinking that its ok to be fat like this. You read up on sites that proclaim “FAT? So what..?” and study sites that rally for fat acceptance. You hear people that look just like you proclaim that they are happy with their weight, that they love their bodies, and that they wouldn’t change it for the world. You listen to them say that society is the problem and that others should be more tolerant because we are all meant to be different. You pump your fist in righteous indignation and agree with them, heck, you may even truly come to believe in their bylines. However, there is always a part of you that knows that what you are is not accepted, not natural and not attractive. You know, deep down, that you are the problem…not everyone else. You also know that if a magic potion were offered to you that would melt away your fat and make you lean and toned you would take it without hesitation. You also know that all those “fat acceptance” people on those websites…deep down…would too.

This is the reality of being obese. This is what it is like. Maybe not everyday, but just enough days to make you really seriously consider becoming a hermit.

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Posted on October 24th, 2009 at 4:23AM

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19 Comments (add your own)

Posted by JadedJewel on Oct 24th, 2009 at 8:20AM

you have a good style of writing. I like this piece and I can relate to it really well. Thank you.

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Posted by SeriouslySappy on Oct 24th, 2009 at 5:12PM

You've told the brutal truth. It took guts. Not much comfort I know, but you've spoken for many.

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Posted by TravelinMan39 on Oct 24th, 2009 at 5:32PM

Wow! Moving and enlightening. I appreciate your story and feel that I am a bit more capable of compassion than I was before. I have several morbidly obese family members and have been judgemental or indifferent at times. I do care for their health but have wondered if they do. Your story has given me some insights that I did not have. Thanks and I wish you well.

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Posted by Sunshyne276 on Oct 24th, 2009 at 11:05PM

Wow... That was very deep and from the soul. I can identify with some of what you said. I'm obese, too, size 24. I was a 26/28 not all that long ago. Great writing, thank you for sharing with us all.

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Posted by LuVoFaLiFeTiMe on Oct 25th, 2009 at 9:36AM

this was one of the best stories ever written on this site!

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Posted by jmars on Oct 25th, 2009 at 12:04PM

I'm sorry for your pain, but with this may be YOUR "brutal truth" ... but it is not for everyone. I am the same size as you, and this is FAR from the truth of my life. Yours does not have to be this way either. Your focus on what others think about you is something you need to come to grips with.

I am 43, size 28 -- I am married (met my husband and got married fat). I have a great job, go to the gym regularly and work with a personal trainer, eat well. No stained skin, I don't sweat excessively, can walk up several flights of stairs easily ... because I exercise regularly. When people stare or glower at me, I stare and glower back at them. Who are they to be judging me, anyway? My blood pressure is well controlled, blood sugar levels normal, cholesterol enviable. I am HAPPY. You do NOT have to be thin to be happy or healthy. Happiness is not just for thin people, nor is health.

More than anything, it sounds like you are depressed. Really, not all fat people are depressed (I've been there, so I know when I am and when I'm not). Please, seek out a mental health professional in your area who specializes in eating and body acceptance issues. You do NOT have to live with these thoughts, with this focus on what others think about you, no matter what you weigh.

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Posted by natureisbliss on Oct 25th, 2009 at 1:04PM

very well written, wish u luck..

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Posted by writingbug78 on Oct 25th, 2009 at 1:05PM

This was very heartbreaking and quite uncomfortable to read because it hits a nerve. That, to me is a really good piece of writing, you are writing the truth as you see it and making people aware it's wrong to judge people based on appearance. I hope you find the answer and happiness - and most importantly a job as a writer. You have a talent.

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Posted by heatherlanca09 on Oct 25th, 2009 at 3:02PM

I feel the same way, I am morbidly obese as well, I am only 16 years old, my birthday is next month and I will be 17, I weigh 320 pounds, although I am 6 feet tall, so it doesnt look it at all, it looks as if i weight about 250 but not 320. I told my friends my real weight and they are shocked saying no you don't. I mean there is a girl in my school who is really short and she is over 300 and she has it all around but no one judges her or anything. I don't have the double chin, but I do have the big arms, stomach and legs. I want to get rid of it. But your story is amazing. :D

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Posted by branbudz on Oct 25th, 2009 at 3:14PM

You have quite the excellent vocabulary

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Posted by dasmileyface on Oct 25th, 2009 at 5:52PM

I hope you feel better very soon., this story made me regret how much I taunted my younger sister when we were in high school and younger she is overweight and self concious about it..Actually I have always regretted taunting her - but this story makes me wonder how she felt when I did it.

Good Luck -

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Posted by j675309 on Oct 25th, 2009 at 10:18PM

I am not an obese person, however i have struggled with my weight my whole life as you have. I am never happy with the way i look even when i am thin. Eventhough, I have to find a way to not be so hard on myself when i gain weight or go off my diets. I think we each have to learn to love ourselves and try not to care if we are being judged. The people who judge us only do so because they are lacking within themselves and that makes them turn their attention on the other person's flaws. We must learn to love ourselves to accomplish the things in life we trully want and to flat out not give a care to those peoples thoughts. who cares what they think anyways.

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Posted by Naniken42 on Oct 26th, 2009 at 10:08PM

First of all, I am sorry that you've had such awful experiences that you feel so badly about yourself.

I, too, am obese. I have been for many years. I can't actually remember a time when I was thin. I am currently a size 24.

I have to say, I share absolutely none of your experiences except the difficulty of finding clothes that are my type in the "fat girl store." I am perfectly able to walk up and down steps--and do, many times a day for my job--I have perfect blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate, and I've never had a problem with sweating. The only foot/leg problems I have come from the fact that one of my legs is slightly longer than the other, not because I'm fat. I live in Seattle and I'm constantly walking up and down hills to get anywhere, and since I don't drive, I am always walking.

I am not ashamed of myself. I happily eat in public and I feel comfortable and attractive in the clothes that I wear. I am not a drinker, so I can't share any sympathy for your bar experiences, but I have never had a problem with relationships in the past. I am currently with a kind, slender, handsome, charming man who tells me how beautiful I am every single day. I have never "settled" for anything less. If I thought for a moment that someone I was dating wasn't totally into me, that would be the end of the relationship--as it should be for anyone!

I'm not trying to put down your experiences, but please understand that they are YOUR experiences. I am obese and I come from a long line of beautiful fat women who all lived well into their 90's. Women who were fat through two World Wars and the Great Depression and who taught me that if I want people to love me, I have to love myself first. This is what it's like for YOU to be obese, but not for everyone, and I am sorry that it's like this for you.

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Posted by jemigl on Nov 3rd, 2009 at 8:45PM

Wow! I could have written this myself! This captures life in eyes of a very overweight person perfectly!

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Posted by Holly1225 on Nov 11th, 2009 at 12:45PM

Wow... I am surprised by some comments on this post. Are you kidding me??? if you are a size 28, you will have problems fitting into an airline or movie seat. How can an obese women sit in a small seat and be happy? Are there some who are so self centered that you can not see the experssion on the face of those around them?
And what kind of a comment is excellant vocabulary?

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Posted by largerthanlife78 on Jan 12th, 2010 at 11:05AM

Amazing ....you hit the nail right on the head my dear.

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Posted by Kyomoon on Jan 23rd, 2010 at 1:15AM

I can relate to everything in your post, although I've had several boyfriends that were very attractive and built quite nicely... I have no idea why they are attracted to me. However, I will note that not one of those men was a white, North American male. Black? Yes. Japanese? Yes... Greek? Oh yeah! Even Armenian. There have been a few white men that seemed to want me but they either wanted it to be kept secret or they were chubby chasers **shudder** and yeah... I'm fat.

I hate being this size. I hate that people watch what I eat (yeah... I see them watching). I hate food & eating to the point that I can't even bring myself to carry snacks for my son (5 yrs). I despise going into a regular store to try to find clothes for my very thin, tall child. My favourite experience occurred when I stopped in a Club Monaco to find out the smallest size they carried.... the sales girl looked me over from head to toe and said... "are you sure you're in the right store?" WTF?!?! Whatever happened to "Can I help you?" I'm a fat adult... I think I can tell when a store's largest size isn't going to fit my thigh! She ended up getting fired right then and there.

As for mirrors... I seriously haven't looked in one for years. I refuse to have pictures taken... I tell everyone I'm allergic to film... lol!!

As much as I hate my size... I don't want to be a stick... my goal has never been to be a size 10 of smaller. I like being curvy. I do want to lose some weight, I'm currently a size 24... I'd like to get to an 18 and see how I feel then.

I will say this... I do agree with the posters that said you need to see/talk to someone but not necessarily a shrink. Remember this one thing... 'cuz it helped me when my head was in the same place yours is...

You will never begin to change unless you accept & love yourself first.

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Posted by Kyomoon on Jan 23rd, 2010 at 1:18AM

I can relate to everything in your post, although I've had several boyfriends that were very attractive and built quite nicely... I have no idea why they are attracted to me. However, I will note that not one of those men was a white, North American male. Black? Yes. Japanese? Yes... Greek? Oh yeah! Even Armenian. There have been a few white men that seemed to want me but they either wanted it to be kept secret or they were chubby chasers **shudder** and yeah... I'm fat.

I hate being this size. I hate that people watch what I eat (yeah... I see them watching). I hate food & eating to the point that I can't even bring myself to carry snacks for my son (5 yrs). I despise going into a regular store to try to find clothes for my very thin, tall child. My favourite experience occurred when I stopped in a Club Monaco to find out the smallest size they carried.... the sales girl looked me over from head to toe and said... "are you sure you're in the right store?" WTF?!?! Whatever happened to "Can I help you?" I'm a fat adult... I think I can tell when a store's largest size isn't going to fit my thigh! She ended up getting fired right then and there.

As for mirrors... I seriously haven't looked in one for years. I refuse to have pictures taken... I tell everyone I'm allergic to film... lol!!

As much as I hate my size... I don't want to be a stick... my goal has never been to be a size 10 of smaller. I like being curvy. I do want to lose some weight, I'm currently a size 24... I'd like to get to an 18 and see how I feel then.

I will say this... I do agree with the posters that said you need to see/talk to someone but not necessarily a shrink. Remember this one thing... 'cuz it helped me when my head was in the same place yours is...

You will never begin to change unless you accept & love yourself first.

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Posted by mushytushy on Jan 29th, 2010 at 9:23PM

yes its definately an attitude thing and how well u look after yourself in other ways! I too am morbidly obese i weigh 320 and I am a size 26 but all my weight is on my belly and thighs and upper arms. the rest of me is reletively normal sized and Im quite fit aswell cuz i go clubbing alot n I can dance all nite. I dont get sweaty and my blood pressure is actually healthier than the average persons (about 100/50) my cholesterol is normal and my heart is in great shape! I can always find awesome clothes that fit and can even wear normal sized underwear cuz i have a very tiny bum! I have no double chin n when i post my pic on the net (just of my face) I dont dare say my size cuz of prejudice n I get so many guys saying im really hot but then if i decide to meet them I know I have to tell them im big. they get so surprised cuz they think id be thin from my face pic. but cuz theyve fallen in love with my face it doesnt really bother them that much! its great!

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