Not The Ideal Teen

When I was born, I caught the RSV virus. I was 2 months old. When I caught that I was put on steroids and my left lung was damaged.
I was an obese child growing up and my parents did everything they could. I was 2 years old weighing 98 lbs.

I lost arouhd 50 lbs before and got down to 200. But then my parents got a divorce. Them pulling me into court and fighting and
just plain making my life hard and miserable. I was deppressed, what else is going to happen? my family was being forceably
ripped apart and i had absolutley no say so.

The end of my freshman year and all my sophmore year in high school, cutting my wrists, not talking to anyone and telling myself i was done ...with life.

That summer, going into sophmore year, that year I had a set goal to commit suicide before i was 16. Still the divorse and everything made me gain all my weight
back and more. That summer one of my friends had commited suicide. It was terrible. He was there with me the day before and he was gone.
 I couldnt stand it, and I was going to follow him. Then I seen how bad it hurt others including myself and figured, if ANYONE does care about me, I wouldnt want them to be in that much pain. so i eventually cured myself (no doctor) and decided to tough it out.

Later my doctor (he was giving
me shots and vitamens for my weight.) gave up on me. the last time i was in there, he gave me my money and sent me on my way.

Now im 17 weighing 300lbs. Im trying to fight this depression. I've lost a lot of friends this year and only have a few close friends.This sucks. I started to consider surgery. both parents supportive, but im waiting for the insurance company to accept or deny me. what am I going to do?

tmsk2011 tmsk2011
18-21, F
3 Responses Nov 2, 2009

I genuinely wish I could meet you and give you a big hug, not only to assure you that someone cares about you, but also because, frankly, you sound so beautiful on the outside, and so badly in need on the inside.
Suicide is a betrayal of the self, and the last thing you want, after so many betrayals by others, is to suffer that kind of *internal* betrayal.
Divorce is awful. No child should have to suffer through that, and no parent should ever seek one.
Compared to these things, obesity is not a serious problem. In fact, I don't consider it a problem at all, but a solution. I wish you could see fatness through my eyes. I don't know if it would change your view, but it might at least give you a fresh perspective. For now, let me just explain something about myself with regard to this issue of fatness...
One thing I look forward to every week is shopping for groceries. On a normal week, I go to the grocery store every Friday night, and it's a rare week indeed when I don't catch a glimpse of at least one nice, fat woman. They might be wives, mothers, or even grandmothers, but who cares? Just being able to see them for a few seconds brightens my spirits and makes me feel that I can go on. It's refreshing, just being in the presence of such beautiful ladies, for once.
In fact, almost every time I go to the grocery store, I wonder what happened to all the beauty in the rest of the world. You hear about obesity being on the rise all over the place, but at least where I live, I rarely see any evidence of it. It's almost as though the prettiest girls in the whole wide world are all in hiding. That makes me so sad.
Just a glimpse into my mind. I hope it helps.

Don't stop believing in yourself.

Surgery is a radical step in my opinion. If it ain't broke don't go messing around with it. You are still young enough that you can make life changes to improve your health. Just make one small change a day and pretty soon you will start seeing results. I'm sure the stress of your parents divorce was awful, but not your problem. Learn to love yourself and great things will happen...whether you lose weight or not :-)