Need A Helping Hand...

        I'm not sure how to start this, so I will let the words flow as they come to me. I am 25 years old, 5'3" and weigh 380lbs. That is something I am definitely not happy about. I have mixed emotions about being super morbidly obese: I am angry at myself for getting this way, I get upset  and depressed to not have anyone to talk to about the way I am. I have been overweight all of my life. I am the middle child of 3 siblings and I never really got any attention... well. only negative attention: being blamed for things I didn't do, yelled at by my mother, even after numerous times of taking up for her when my stepfather was abusive towards her. My weight really started to increase over at that time, when I was in middle school (although I was overweight in elementary school as well). I was so depressed, I didn't have friends to talk to, I tried to explain my feelings to my family, well to my mother and sister and brother by writing a letter and explaining how I felt inside. All they did was laugh at it..  That made me feel even more miserable. Thats what led me to food. food didn't turn me down, or laugh at me, food didn't make me feel empty inside.. while i was eating, I forgot about my problems.

       After eating, I felt even more depressed though. I always promised myself that I would lose the weight; through high school, I would say "oh I will start a diet and then shed all these pounds in time for my senior prom." Well, false hopes and promises. Senior prom came, I didn't go. I mean it wasn't like I had a date anyway. I mean, who would want to go to the prom with the fattest girl in the school anyway... I wish I had positive feelings toward myself.. but I just don't.. I have been in relationships thinking that the guy wanted me for me and loved me for me, not matter what I weighed... but every time I just got used, abused emotionally and basically got thrown away. 

        I do have one person though, that I know loves me for me and really cares about me: my son. He is a very smart 5 year old and I love him so much! That' why I want to lose this weight. I am a single mother and he doesn't even know his father ,, he saw him only a few times when he was younger. I don;t want to die at a young age. I want to see my son grow up, go to college, get married, have kids and make the best out of his life. I don't want him to go down the same path as me. I don't want him to be overweight and be cast out of society  because he is different. That's why I need support, someone to talk to, to exercise with, someone to reach weight loss goals with..that's what I am missing : support... someone to help me get to the weight I need to be .. I just can't do it alone.  My family doesn't help. I'm not sure what else to say.....

adri200420 adri200420
22-25, F
8 Responses Feb 28, 2010

Please update us. How are you doing?

Omigosh! I completely relate to you! I'm 29 yrs old, 5'6 and somewhere around 400 lbs, I would write out exactly how much but I cant find a scale to weigh me. There is one in Rite Aid but I'm scared it will say my weight out loud, thats all I need. Sometimes I feel like I will never lose this weight. I too was heavy as a child, I weighed 100lbs in 2nd grade and the teacher told the entire class and I was I know I was aware of the weight problem even as a young child. <br />
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Swimming is great exercise, and so easy on the joints. Sometimes, I have to be honest though, just getting dressed, especially before and after swimming, is a workout in itself at this weight. Do you guys have that issue? I may just be really out of shape though. <br />
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I'm so glad to meet people who are like me!

I know exactly how you feel. And as a mom of two young ones myself I hope people understand even that 30 a month for a gym membership isn't always possible sorry but kids are expensive and sometime that 30 is what gets them there new shoes since they grew out of the ones you just bought, or the jeans that turn into capri's overnight. I am trying to lose weight and having a little success not as quickly as i'd like but its coming off. I just wanted to let you know an inexpensive way to lose weight its a work out tape by jillian michaels from biggest loser, its called jillian michaels 30 day shred it is amazing. i lost 24 lbs in 3 wks with only doin the workout and giving up soda. i'm still working on the diet its really hard for me cause i love food but slowly working on it. i'd love to be your weight loss buddy if you want. I really do highly reccommend that jillian michael tape its only $9 at wal-mart although i got mine from for 11. I'm 317lbs at 5'7 with bad knees so if i can do the excercises anyone can. let me know if you try it and like it.

Have you joined an online group that gives support and personal sponsors like Overeaters Anonymous? The 12 step program with sponsors to call or chat with every day might help you alot with your situation. Good luck!

Jean! You is so right.. man.. no one ever should go this road alone! I joined oa and lost 200 pounds.. no diets.. .I need to get back to my community myself... When I go it alone ... I struggle.. This is not a solo project.. Best wishes... you will do it...

my gym membership costs me $30 a month. <br />
Trainers do cost more. Most are around $45 a session. <br />
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Walking is free and is a very good exercise. You just have to do it consistantly. Weight training is in the future. I'm sure most trainers would recommend you just doing cardio (treadmills, stationary bike) at first. After you dropped some weight you could then move on to weight training.

I think nomomisery has the better advice. Walking and if you can, swimming. Change your diet but no fad diets. Perhaps a reduction in portions and meditation to keep you going when you feel those "hunger" pangs? :)

I don't have much advice in this area but I do kno that fad diets and quick fixes that seem to good to be true are NOT a good method to lose the pounds. I'm cheering for you from the sidelines and hope you give it your all. Lifestyles changes are hard but not impossible. Good luxk!

go vegan, if you want .... it will definately help. If you are serious about weight loss and a healthy lifestyle this is what you should do .... search out and join a gym. A mom and pop gym is better than a national chain. Next hire a trainer. All gyms have them .... ask to see his certification papers, one of the better ones is a NPTI certification. There are many others. You might have to hire more than one trainer though, not at the same time. Once you have a plan laid out for you then you must follow it religiously. It will take time .... you didn't get to 380 pounds overnight ... don't expect to loose it in a month's time. As you keep to your schedule there will be people at the gym noticing you. You will gain friends .... maybe not right away, but in time people will talk to you. They will be your new friends. They will be the ones to help you. You just have to put in the work to loose that weight. It will not be easy .... anything that is prized is never easy, but in time you will see gains, if you are serious and keep at it. Good luck to you .... I hope you can do this for you and your son.