Hide How I Truely Feel.

Somehow, someway I have convinced myself I'm not important. One of my many insecurities consists on feelings of worthlessness. Which results on two negative reactions. I sometimes either get extremely depressed, to the point were I lock myself in my room and cry. I won't go out at all, hardly find courage to go to the living room; or I get up and face the world with a fake smile and refuse to speak out my true feelings. Afraid people won't care and think I'm being senseless and stupid. Like today, at work I felt strongly about a particular topic and wanted to speak up to support my believes. Instead I stayed quiet hearing everything that was being said, laughing about it all. When in reality, I didn't feel like laughing, I felt angry and insecure inside.

I'm the only female working on weekdays, all the guys were talking about girls. The things that were said made me more insecure and at the same time mad, about the fact that guys are so close minded now a days. According to my co-workers, overweight girls are not datable, looks count more than personality. By looks they font mean a cute pretty face, but big boobs and big ***, a smoking hot body. They rate girls from a scale of 1-10... all I can think of is what do they think of me... I'm probably a -3 .... This really kills me inside, but I pretended to be fine. I wanted to tell them off, I was so stuck on what they probably think of me I couldn't... And I tried sharing how I felt about this with my sister in law and she laughed and said "they'd probably rate me as a 25"... I felt worse....
People say things that strongly impact my emotions, and most of the time I brush it off and hide my feelings. Giving a false sense of happiness and confidence.
M060110M M060110M
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 22, 2012

you know you might consider writing a book about yourself, the problems you have faced and how you overcome them.
You use a pen name.
Amazon let you publish books for kindle they take about 50% of the royalties but you have your book published no conditions and it gets sold on amazon for kindle so potential to make money and maybe it will help you by writing it all down and maybe it will help others who might read it.

If your not interested in making a book write down your problems to get it our your system maybe go on a blog site if you think it will help.