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I Am Not In-intelligent.

I don't dumb myself down. I don't turn my brain cells off. But sometimes I wait for the appropriate moments. The appropriate people.

I have some friends that I know if I talked about the things I'd want to, they wouldn't understand. They don't like art. They don't like the music I like, some of them hate reading, and more so, they're not really into the universe like I am. I can't just walk up to my friends and say, "Oh hey guys, was just working on my third eye chakra!" because they're not into that sort of thing and I'd just be wasting my breath. You know the look that people give you when you're crazy? It stings most when it comes from the people you care about. Someday if they understand, then I'm sure we'll have much to talk about.

But until then, it's movie quotes and debates about preferable fast food places.

Another habit I've developed is that I don't try as hard as I should. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I half *** it. Playing pool with the guys for example; If I really consider the physics to it, and apply the common sense, I can probably get really good at it. But sometimes when someone is really good at it, like a buddy of mine, I feel nervous. Almost stupid. So I might shrug and hit the ball like I'm not trying, because I'm not. That way I don't feel embarrassed, for lack of a better word, when I make a crappy shot. I don't know why this developed, and I don't know why I feel this way, nor can I tell you why I haven't changed this. I'm a very confident person when it comes to myself, my mind, my views, my beliefs, and the way that I see things. But when it comes to skills, I don't push myself, partly due to the fear of failure.

Even though I'm intelligent enough to know that that is failure in itself.
itsmesally itsmesally 22-25, F Aug 31, 2010

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