I Am More Mature Than Most People My Age
Being more mature than most people my age sucks.
Sometimes I just wish I could act all carefree and "bubbly" like that, but I can't. I've thought about faking my personality (I might as well, it's not like anyone knows the real me -nor will they ever), but there's no real reason to fake anything, because 1) I'm not a fake and 2) I don't talk to anyone.
Being ignorant like them and thinking about what most teenagers think about (whatever that is) sounds so much easier than dealing with the stupid thoughts in my brain. Reflection on my past I guess you could say.
I wish my brain had an off switch.
Anyways, I am perfectly content with being by myself, but sometimes I get that longing pang for a friend. I never think too long on it though, because it disappears as soon as it comes -it's just a small feeling that doesn't last long.
I've tried talking to people, because sometimes people do try and get me to talk, but then I start talking to them and there's this expression on their face or something in the tone of their voice. I don't know, maybe I'm misinterpreting -I mean, it's not like I can read people worth a damn, but it just seems like they want me to *stop* talking.
Like I said, I could be misinterpreting. When I talk to people my age, I feel bored by them, but when I do manage to start a conversation (which usually means I nod my head a lot, shrug my shoulders, or give one-worded answers) I'm the one that feels boring *to* them.
I don't know.
I've been told before that it's *my* fault that I don't have any friends. That I should try harder. But I'm getting pretty damned tired of trying.
Why don't they try harder, huh? Just once.
I just want someone to *try* and dig a little deeper than the surface. Is that too much to ask?
Well, apparently.
Sometimes I just wish I could act all carefree and "bubbly" like that, but I can't. I've thought about faking my personality (I might as well, it's not like anyone knows the real me -nor will they ever), but there's no real reason to fake anything, because 1) I'm not a fake and 2) I don't talk to anyone.
Being ignorant like them and thinking about what most teenagers think about (whatever that is) sounds so much easier than dealing with the stupid thoughts in my brain. Reflection on my past I guess you could say.
I wish my brain had an off switch.
Anyways, I am perfectly content with being by myself, but sometimes I get that longing pang for a friend. I never think too long on it though, because it disappears as soon as it comes -it's just a small feeling that doesn't last long.
I've tried talking to people, because sometimes people do try and get me to talk, but then I start talking to them and there's this ex
Like I said, I could be misinterpreting. When I talk to people my age, I feel bored by them, but when I do manage to start a conversation (which usually means I nod my head a lot, shrug my shoulders, or give one-worded answers) I'm the one that feels boring *to* them.
I don't know.
I've been told before that it's *my* fault that I don't have any friends. That I should try harder. But I'm getting pretty damned tired of trying.
Why don't they try harder, huh? Just once.
I just want someone to *try* and dig a little deeper than the surface. Is that too much to ask?
Well, apparently.
By:
An EP User
