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But Let's Talk About Some Easy-to-see Things On Ep, Shall We?

Here are what I believe are very obvious things that I've learned these past couple weeks on EP- in other words, I didn't have to try very hard to notice these:

1. Watching kittens toy with their prey on confessions... well, I think it is very darn cute.  I named my favorite kitten 'Z'.  Don't misjudge this one because of her diminutive size.  There's a tiger lurking in there :-)  Now that I think about it though, since she's "in love" she might be a little nicer. *snorts*
2. Keep your noggin away from volatile topics. It'll reduce your risk of being verbally Decaffeinated. As an example: I posted what I thought was a considerate question to the Lesbian community asking how to refer to them in a non-offensive way [since some don't like traditional labels, like "lesbian"]. I thought they'd be free with suggestions, and very pleased that someone was considerate enough to ask.
Well let me tell you, as I look back in retrospect.. Having two anuses does not in any way improve your 5k time, nor does it make anything less than a mockery of common toilets.  Be wary.
3. Two Wongs do not make a white. You're still Asian. And that's great. We love you.
4. The prevalence of rape fantasies, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional marriages, dysfunctional knitting, and errant clams on here, and in real life is... surprising.  Welcome to the tangled skein that is our society. Just warn your gag reflex ahead of time- then come have a laugh. I'll bring the popcorn.
5. Some perfectly healthy adults are still out there dirtying up their drawers. It's just not clicking for me. Perhaps someone told them "Keep your sh*t to yourself!" and they misinterpreted ??
6. If you're old enough to think for yourself and you (in seriousness) post a whiny, childlike "What should I do?!" question that has a very obvious answer..?.. You will be verbally encased in cement shoes and figuratively tossed off the bridge before you can count to "AAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhh..."
I'm treasurer on that committee. 
7. You have a p*nis.  WhooptifreakinDoo. Really. FYI, there is a small percentage chance that it'll make the most effective conversation opener.  Now that I think about it though, since I hook slightly left it could be helpful when facing north if someone wants the general direction of the Grains and Greens store.. Hm.  
8. If you're a newbie with a thorn in your posterior, and plan to try some serious trolling, be prepared for the fallout. Some characters here have a tongue akin to Zorro's sword, and their friends are packin' heat. So unless you are making a tomato sandwich (Miracle Whip in tow) or just desperate for ten rounds of verbal annihilation... yah. 
9. Don't be desperate. Get a grip on yourself before presenting. 
10. Do what you can to make a friend, don't just Add a friend. You don't need to be on each others' jock all the time, but comment on their stuff, say hi, drop in unexpectedly on their whiteboard and leave a flaming bag of-  Oops, I mean just Drop in and say Hi here and there...[you don't need to know All of my antics] :)
11. The "Saran Wrap, Cottage Cheese, and Perseverance Project" won't always improve the look of your resume'. 
12. If you are male and wore Lycra shorts at any point in your life, you will never live that sh*t down.  Marathoners exempt. 
13. Ladies I'll make this easy for you. Make your profile picture a photo of your Half Nekkid Knockers by themselves. Then wait 24 hours. Everyone that added you within those hours (without a reasonable message extolling your fabulous virtues that are found in your stories), YOU BLOCK. 
Smile, and move on with your day. Easy, wasn't it??
14. Now these are general guidelines that originated long before I got involved, so don't waste time crucifying the messenger*, eh? It is time for a little refresher... 
IF..and I mean only IF you want to be taken seriously:
Men:: Leave your wife and daughter's clothing be. It fits them much , much better. No offense intended, but jeans can be comfy as well.  And if you are a football player, and there is a pep-assembly the rest of us didn't know about? ...carry on, no worries.
Women:: Do not prioritize and show your T and A to the world, and then act clueless about being objectified along with your string of dysfunctional, shattered relationships. This is called 'unrealistic expectations'.  You...are a silly goose.
Bottom line: If you don't want to waste your time with a clown, then stop advertising for one. 
15. Aaaaaand ending on an up note, outside of EP:
Seal may look a tad "I just got fragged" and have a tragically barbie wife, but dang he still has an Amazing voice. 


*This has been documented as happening in the past. Apparently there were mixed results. 
** Half Nekkid Knockers makes a great band name. Have at it.

Have a great day y'all~
gotsalsa gotsalsa 41-45, M 14 Responses Apr 21, 2012

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Hahahaha! Love this! Thanks for sharing.

Very funny read! Thanks for the advice and the refresher! :)

Ha!!!! Love it...

Glad you took the time to hang out in the embrace of my brain a little :) Always good to see you!

So funny! Agree 100% with #6 and just a LMAO to #13 so true :D

Lol. Distraction is a success. woot!

It really is a success! Thank you :)

I like "tangled skein."

Thank you; and i guess if it weren't so tangled, it wouldn't be so interesting :D. Glad you dropped in!

Best. Post. Ever....I really enjoy reading your stuff...keep it coming... ;)

:D and sometimes I actually make sense! Haha~

That's a good observation

Thank you- glad you stopped in :-)

One of the best stories I've seen on this site :') <br />
Hell, think I'm too used to all the depressing mess ups of life that are put on here, making others depressed as well as them. I guess being selfish makes us feel better.

I think a lot of things can make us feel better :-) Sometimes, a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale room can get that ball rolling~ Thanks for stopping in for a read. :-)

Please repost this story in the groups involving people who like to **** on themselves or wear wet diapers, this story will would be a very effective tool to help them achieve their desires.<br />
Heck it was so funny I pissed myself and I make an concerted effort to avoid doing that!

Lol! Cheers~

Excellent and funny writing. I really enjoyed this. You could do an editorial.

Very kind Sir! Glad you stopped in :-)

Where do I sign up for the "Cement Shoe... Whadda I Do?" committee?

I know there's a secret door here somewhere...

Ha! You got salsa, alright! Some seriously kicking, hot salsa.<br />
Best post of the day!

AW thanks Lilt, lol! Glad you stopped in- and have a great weekend!

Funny, I've seen people in the halls of EP for years, that haven't even figured out any of that. You managed it all in just a few short weeks. Cool.

Half naked knockers ... could be a band name. <br />
Funny post - I agree with not getting into anything deep on here if you want to walk away and not be wounded. Nothing politically incorrect or against the flow.

Yep, sometimes it's a tightrope walk when i feel like being a bit edgy; but mostly i'm lighthearted and avoid swimming in the confessions area much :D Glad you stopped in~

Wiping away the tears from my eyes from laughing so much at the comments in this post. They may not be politically correct but they funny and many of them are very true.

Glad you enjoyed! That makes me smile~