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Thinking Back

I realize there was very few people who knew how bad I had gotten. In fact, now that I reflect more on that time in my life...I don't think anyone knew. If I would have gone through and killed myself, it would have seemed random to my family. My friends might have thought it was an accident. It would have shocked the couple people with whom I entrusted my secret of being depressed. I don't think anyone would have seen it coming.
Suffering in silence was something I considered noble, because I didn't want to burden people with my troubles. And I didn't want to seem weak or vulnerable, like I needed help from others. I can still agree with this, but I know that without the people who told me they cared about me, I'd be gone. So yeah maybe telling someone is for the best, no matter how excruciating it seems.
Girlonwire Girlonwire 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 18, 2011

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Wow, I could've written this myself word for word. There is only one person who knows I've ever contemplated suicide and she would still have been surprised had I gone through with it. In high school, I was voted the class clown so it's safe to say it would have been a huge surprise to everyone, family especially. I too don't want to be a burden on those who care about me but it's getting a little easier to voice my problems. As I got older I realized that having someone to confide in eases the pain. They may not understand the full extent but it also takes some of the weight off of my shoulders and makes for a stronger bond with that person. Sad to say it but I doubt I will ever will confide in my family about my depression. It's just harder with family for some odd reason.



Well, if you ever want to talk I'm here :) I won't judge and your secrets are safe with me.