I wish I never was to come to this. When I was younger I was afraid of this happening, now I see what I was so afraid of. I've let the wrong people into my life and I wish I could take it back. They hurt me mentally and physically which sooner brought me into depression. I wish I would've asked for help when I was starting to feel this way, but I thought it would just pass. I've been hurt so much by the people I love that I'm afraid to let anyone inside my personal barrier. And the one's that have hurt me I have forgiven and I feel weak for doing so. It's like this pain is like the larger it gets the more impossible it is to destroy. I desperately look for the greater side of life trying to have happiness for a change but when I do depression attacks me and it's grip is more powerful. I feel as if my demons are telling me it's time that I leave but I'm trying to resist the urge, and I might be losing the war against them. I wish I could be happy all the time and please everyone, but things that have happened in my life have permanently scared me. In my life I have really only known one person that could break me and rebuild me. He knows when I'm sad, he knows when I'm lying and saying that I'm okay. He gave me hugs when I needed comfort. He just might be my savior from this torment but as well might be my angel of death.
fredlez2306 fredlez2306
18-21, M
3 Responses Aug 19, 2014

You shouldn't put the responsibility of recovery on another person. Only you can save yourself.

Pray and all will be Ok.

It's good to forgive because holding a grudge poisons you, but be smart and don't forget to protect yourself from bad behavior by people that might hurt you. You have to risk the hurt of feeling your feelings to have real spontaneous interactions and bond to people, don't shut down emotionally, but be smart and don't tolerate behavior from them that disrespects your well being. You might be hurt or damaged but your soul can heal when supported by loving relationships.