Being Too Late

This very special young woman entered my life when I was about 15. Though I used to see her around, I would say hello to her in the hallways. It wasn't until we were both in our 20s, when we actually started talking to each other. As I got to know her, I thought I would take a chance by asking her out on a date. I asked her one day, but I was expecting her to say, "I'm sorry, but I already have a boyfriend." Instead, she said, "Sure, when would you like to go out?"

We went out a couple of times after that, and one day, we shared a kiss. As time passed, things were going very well. But one day, we broke up (about six years later.) Not sure why, but she felt that marriage was not in our future. After some time apart, we got back together as friends. However, I still had feelings for her.

One day, we were sitting in the car in my apartment complex parking lot, talking. I was about to ask her about getting back together, when this idiot security guard began harassing us. We parted ways, and I was angry with the idiot guard. He forever ruined my chances of getting back together with her!

As time went by, things were starting to look up. I started a new job, I moved out of my parent's apartment, and I was ready to go further. The young woman and I began seeing each other more often, chatting on Skype, and getting together late at night for coffee.

One day, she was telling me that she had a sharp pain in her leg. She was seeing some doctors, and getting tests to find out what was wrong. About a week later, she told me the prognosis, Cancer.

I did what I could for her, taking her magazines, flowers, balloons, and stuffed animals. We got together for lunch as often as possible. Each time I saw her, she appeared sickly. She was undergoing chemo and radiation treatments. The tumor stopped growing, but it didn't shrink either. I thought she was going to be fine. I had hoped that when her cancer went into remission, I would ask her to marry me.

One day, I received word that she had passed away. I had to clear my head, so I went for a walk. I wound up going to a jewelry store to look at engagement rings. Sadly I didn't see anything I knew she would like, not that it mattered anyway.

I attended her funeral, but I could not attend the burial. Seeing the coffin made me almost collapse. While the service was nice, I still can't help the reality that she is forever gone from my life.

Every day, I have gone to her grave, and talk to her. Sometimes I had hoped to hear her voice again. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but now it's too late. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Seems like no matter what I do, no matter how well I do, without her to share these things with, they don't seem to matter to me anymore.
Tromagnon1 Tromagnon1
36-40
May 11, 2012