She Just Gave Up

My last relationship lasted for 6 years. She's on this website... somewhere; that's how I found out about it.

Her and I were a great match; not perfect, but what is?

A little about me. I have a computer job, so I don't get nearly as much exercise as when I was younger. This resulted in an anger issue. I would never abuse her, but I would tell her about the things that were bothering me. Sometimes when she would come to me with arguments that I completely disagreed with, I would call her things like "stupid". I explained to her that it wasn't that I didn't love her or thought less of her, just that she was being stupid. I know that I should've been more supportive, but I just couldn't fathom any other way of expressing myself.

Her dad was an alcoholic workaholic business owner and her mother was submissive (to him), paranoid and lazy. This lady was a housewife that hired cleaning ladies and worked part-time as a secretary every once in a while. Her brother was nice at first, but when his high school sweetheart broke up with him as college started, he became (and remained) a ****.
2–3 years into our relationship, I was stoned and semi-drunk with friends at a local pub one night when my girlfriend called to tell me that her mother had cancer. To this day, I do not know why but even after she handed the phone to her mother, I was convinced that she was lying to me and cheating on me. A couple of weeks later, after patching things up with my girlfriend, I apologized to her parents. At first, I thought they forgave me, but as time rolled on, I could feel that they didn't. I didn't really blame them for a while, as I had done something quite awful, but their resentment continued for years.

They would say mean things indirectly; semi-loud in the hall or around me quietly, where I couldn't be absolutely sure of what they had said. The father and brother treated me like I was stupid. When I'd tell a joke, they would just turn around and leave. I always listened to what they had to say, but when it was my turn to speak, it was as if I didn't have the right to. When the father would drink, he would become more direct with his anger and would put me into situations where my only option was to submit, until he did it enough to **** me off, and I'd let him have it. I would later tell my girlfriend about these occurrences, but it began to really upset her. My family wasn't always nice to her either and when she would complain to me about it, it would upset me, but I took it because I loved her.

Eventually, I told my girlfriend that I needed to avoid her family, and so I did for a few years. That is, until she told me that it was putting a lot of stress on her and instructed me to make a return. So, I did because I loved her. I went to the family cottage last summer and, as the saying goes: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"; I was pretty quiet the whole time. That seemed to upset everyone. A couple of weeks later, I forget what happened, but something did and I complained to her about her family again and she broke up with me.

With the relationship ended, I told her that I still wanted to be with her and would occasionally talk to her on the phone, but felt that she needed time to herself to figure things out. In April of this year, she said that she was growing lonely and was considering going out with this one friend of a friend who had been asking her out. I tried to softly convince her not to, but then at the end of April, she told me she was going on the date, and did. She says that she still has feelings for me, but does think about this new guy sexually. She feels that it's disgusting to be stuck between 2 guys like this, and I agree. Yesterday was the fourth date. It's clear to me that she's moved on, so I'm doing the same.

I changed my Facebook avatar today and when she noticed it, she sent me a private message. I told her that I was messaging girls on dating sites and she was hurt. I'm not doing anything differently than she is! She told me "you made your bed, now lay in it".

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here. I still want to marry her.
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2 Responses May 7, 2012

I hope things are going a little better for you now, i really do. Do what You need to do to get through this anything that works for You.. If you have to feel it then feel it, if you have to block it then block it. She just left all of the sudden that doesn't seem like she had you first on her priorities. Only you know what you feel and what to do with it. Whatever it is, let it be. I wish you the best sir.

Oh you are thats sounds wonderful. It sounds like you wanted that, Best wishes :)

Then don't play games. Sounds like you would be better off going your own way and finding someone new. You seem like a nice guy in love with the wrong person. I wish you luck

Good luck Sweetie!