Tomorrow Is D-day

Well, it's almost here. The divorce hearing is tomorrow. It's scheduled for 9:45 am. 20+ years with him is almost in my rearview mirror.

Frankly, I'm a little underwhelmed by it. He moved out mid-July. For all intents and purposes, I've been single since then. But there's a significance and a symbolism to this event tomorrow I can't shake. I feel like I am in a bubble, operating separately from the rest of the world. I look at others and think, "they have no idea I'm getting divorced tomorrow."

While I previously hustled to be a part of humanity, happy to share my new outlook on life, I lately have reverted to my old introverted self. I've nicknamed it it hunker-down mode. A self-protective reaction to the events at hand? Hey, I'm not a psychologist...

I am learning the difference between lonely and alone. Some days, I feel emotionally raw. I have trust issues. And realistically, who do I have to rely opon other than myself? Answer: no one.

My life has already dramatically changed. The most obvious...I live alone...in my house...with my dog. I have experienced some minor victories along the way, associated with solo home ownership, and some life lessons. I am making new single friends...slowly. It's interesting talking with divorced folks. They're eager to share their battle scars...some in fact won't shut up about them.

Despite all of that, or maybe because of it...I am indeed Moving On.
PeachesGalore PeachesGalore
46-50, F
1 Response Sep 6, 2012

I hope things went well for you. Unfortunately we get battle scars from previous relationships. But we learn and grow from them. I am a stronger person now than I ever have been. It's a shame I had to be put through hell to get me there.
Good luck to you and lean on friends and family for support.