I Am My Own Critic

I know i dont listen to what others say and how they judge me reason being is i know i am ten times harsher then anyone else could be to me. Like many i have not had a easy life and i never let myself forget about it. I was adopted and i have had to work hard to tell myself it wasn't my fault just circumstance where not preventable. It is hard growing up knowing someone did not want u not once or twice but six different times. By the time i found myself in a loving home i had pushed them away before they had even a chance to show their love.
Growing up with that sense that you dont need anyone because they did not need you i know was not right but my mentality something that has kicked my butt so many times. my decisions to write out people who tried to help me have left me in a worse state. I push myself to the edge all the time telling myself i need to prove to others all these things that just because i dont have a billion friends does not mean i am not worth something. Through school i was that kid who cried over a bad grade , losing matches in my sport of choice. I felt again i was just asking for people to leave because my lack or inability to perform great. Over the years i have had to cope with the fact failure is a part of life and i am only human . i will make mistakes i can not be perfect and striving for perfection is a insensible goal. i have failed and made valuable findings with those mistakes. i know i cant stop myself from criticizing myself but i can stop it from being so harsh and maybe one day i will learn to let that side of me go and just go with the flow of life. I can still achieve things without being harsh and mean to myself for failures out of my control.
lilkaratepunk lilkaratepunk
18-21, F
Sep 13, 2012