Self Hatred

I was bullied in school... I was bullied by my friends... I was bullied by my family. All those people had to know something about me that I didn't/don't know... There had to be a reason... You don't do things like that to someone without a reason. I deserved it. I deserved it when I was 5... I deserve it at 30.... And no one is here to do it so I do it myself. Some days I flinch whenever someone talks to be because if it's not phrased right... Or the right tone of voice... Or the right inflection... I assume the worst and beat myself. I lock myself in the bathroom and punch myself in the head and the face... And wish I had someone to do it for me. I've begged my husband to beat me but he won't. Some times I cut. But I really just want help before I lose the only things that are important to me.
UglyLittleDeadGirl UglyLittleDeadGirl
31-35, F
May 8, 2012