I Push People Away.

I constantly put myself down. I'm always upset, the very rare days that i'm in a "good" mood, I find any little thing and cause it to bring me down again. I constantly get mad at my bf for stupid things that later on I realize are probably just me over thinking things. I over think almost everything until I've turned it into something so awful I feel nauseous. I tell myself how terrible of a person I am, I cry all the time. I'm stuck in some kind of depression that I can't seem to let myself out of. When people say things I assume my own opinion about it and then somehow end up angry with them. I have a great bf and i feel as though i'm slowly but surely pushing him away..One of his friends told him tonight to break up with me, after I made him frustrated with me. I'm so confused about who I am, and who I should be. How I should go about being a better person. I look at everyone around me as better than myself. Smarter, funnier, prettier, better personality, more fun to be around. I have no friends, wouldn't even have a bf except I think he was desperate after not having a gf in 6 years. I haven't had any friends since i was 14. I'm a loser, I hate myself, I hate how my life has turned out, and the way it's still going.
livetodream livetodream
18-21, F
1 Response May 15, 2012

FIrst of all realize that your bf stays with you. He chose you over any other girl. He sees something in you you yourself can't see. He loves you and doesn't want to give up on you. I use to over think alot too. Just try concentrating on something else when you start to do this. I use to think I was the ugliest girl in the world. I didn't have a bf for any of my teenage years. It was hard living like that. You can try some little things like standing in front of a mirror and saying out loud you are beautiful. It's really hard at first but once you start you will start feeling better about yourself. Try to change a little thing about your appearance. A haircut, new clothes, etc. You might be surprised how that much that works. Give it a try.