Say It Ain't So!

I’ve been told like the Dixie Chicks to “shut up and sing” but I’m at the point of breaking. This is not an angry vent by any means; I’m just voicing my concerns. I was told to continue to let my songs tell my story and let my music speak for me, but I am human not a compact disc and sometimes I need to say what’s on my mind.  Is that so wrong?! I think people are scared shitless that I’m so comfortable with myself and my feelings or that I willingly will share my emotions. I am proud be emotional, that’s what makes me different than most of you.  In my opinion, the loss of sincerity is what’s wrong with the world…a lack of passion, love, faith, belief, reality, and truth…Almost everyone hides behind a mask and what is socially acceptable.   I am not afraid to love, I am not afraid to feel.  I am proud of my accomplishments, how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown. I am happy with the woman I have turned into!  I’m not to be taken lightly, nor do I want to be.

 

I have learned so much about our pathetic species this year.  We humans are a flawed, pitiful race.  Let’s be honest here…Most people are just purely afraid of anything with any substance.  Most of us live our whole lives in a shadow realm, afraid to think outside the box or take any risks. The world has become such a shallow, cold place full of uncertainty and apprehension.  Would my “fans” (that is if I had any) want a phony person who wasn’t real with them and only wrote happy-go-lucky, sunshine, unicorns and rainbows stories/songs all the time? That’s what I call fake my friends…and I am real. Would the world love Adele if all her songs were upbeat and cheerful? I doubt it.  They love her voice, her message, and her meaning. It’s not for everyone, but it works for her and it can work for me as well.  I am who I am.  I fight for what I believe in, I give with my whole heart, and I love as if I’ve never been hurt before. 

 

If I can’t be myself who else can I be?!

 

I’m not trying to make bad press for myself or any kind of reputation worse than any rumor or lie you’ve heard about me.  I’m just trying to be real.  What about these supposed public figures who are supposed to represent our community, bars, etc.? Is it fine with you that they post rants and raves when they get pissed off, yet it's wrong for me to do the same apparently.   Is it cool that they bad mouth one another, start petty wars over nonsense, and embellish the truth without knowing the whole story? If anything these people are plain out make jackasses of themselves on facebook for the world to see and are a poor representation all together. Sadly, they get no scrutiny,instead drama ensues and everyone chimes in with their two cents…yet if I speak out it’s wrong.  How fair is that? Why should I be silent when others are doing far worse?!

 

My favorite and most beloved icon, Jason Mraz speaks his mind about his true feelings and I thank him for being raw, open, and real as an artist.  Because then it becomes not just someone who is a celebrity that you can’t touch, but someone you truly can relate to…It makes the music that much more enjoyable for me.  When I met and talked to Mraz it was like talking to an old friend, because he is that open of a person…how many artists can you say that for? I’m not famous yet, I don’t have a completely bubble-gum pop image to upkeep. I’m not dogging anybody, I’m just saying…I have to learn the Constitution for a test next week…and my 1st Amendment tells me that I have the freedom of speech. I don’t want to only speak ONLY through my music, I’m a girl with heart, soul, feelings, and I’m allowed to share them! As long as I’m not personally attacking anyone, or throwing a public pity party (as I am guilty of in the past…) I do not see what the shame/problem is in being upfront about my thoughts and my life. I’m a person, not an image, not an icon, not a celebrity, not a robot. I am not your cookie-cutter fake pop princess.  My own lyrics say it best. “I’m not your average little stuck up *****.” My music speaks for itself…I don’t want to let “Someone Come Speak for Me.”(John C. Mayer)

 

 

Why is it that I feel like I’m never going to amount to anything/find anyone? I can only remain the underdog for so long. Talent, brains, personality…all overlooked. Is it my weight? Skin color? What’s wrong with me? Why do people refuse to give me a chance? Seems like every guy I have talked to this year runs away after a only a few weeks of getting to knowing me.  Do you want to know the best part? They completely ignore me as a way of escape.  Being ignored is like having someone take a needle and drag it across your heart as hard as they can.  It shows a lack of respect…If I’m not even import enough to talk to, that shows my worth…Thanks a lot for letting me know time, after time, after time, and time again that I’m not worth much at all. I know I have a dynamic, somewhat overwhelming personality and I’m blunt, but I’m not that scary. Men are just wimps. I don’t know if any man will accept my past, who I am today, and love me for me and all my emotions/wreckage. I’m full-meal-deal, but also a girl who will give the world to the one I care for.  Maybe I do come off a little intimidating but I’m not threatening.

 

 

And as much as people request me to sing, and act like they love my voice, lyrics, music, style…

I am not getting gigs like I should be. I am begged to sing at any open mic night I attend, even when I'm not in the mood to perform, but I'm not good enough for business, I guess? I'm not sure what the true problem is.  I completely understand that  not many places are doing amazing business because of school being back in session, football season, and plain out because our economy is still in rough shape.  But I don’t cost a fraction of what some full bands do and still can’t get a booking.  And it worries me.  No, I’m not the best at promoting myself, I’m not really cool with asking for money from venues, but I want my music to blossom. I want to reach a point where I can leave Brunswick and make something out of the gift God has given me.  I haven’t had much time to practice because of school being back in session, but everyone who knows me, knows that music is my ultimate passion…followed by Disney and children…I need music like I need air.  I want to sing, perform, and become the artist I was created to be.  I want honest feedback, why won’t places book me? Is it because I don’t have a full band, because I don’t do enough covers, and/or because I have no fan base other than personal friends?  What am I doing wrong? And thank you to Corner Café who graciously has taken me in as a regular. You’re my 1st home.

 

 

I am also so very saddened at being the unsung heroine in certain situations. I promote the hell out of the local bands/musicians I enjoy.  I truly adore these people and do everything I can to promote their music, build their fan base, and show my sincere passion, support, and appreciation for their music.  However, I get no thank you, in fact, no acknowledgement whatsoever. Again, I am ignored.  I’m not calling anyone out per say, just as a general rule, it would be nice to be shown some thanks. Not all the time, but even once would be acceptable!   It seems like everyone else gets comments in return or a big thank you while I’m overlooked.  I feel invisible.  Sometimes it truly comes across as if I don’t mean anything or even exist to these people who I hold in such high regard. None of us locals are famous yet, but some of us like to pretend that we are.  It’s a little unnerving.  I find it personally offensive and hurtful when I try so hard to be supportive and encouraging and get rejected or ignored. Then again, perhaps it’s easy to take for granted someone who offers free shots and shows up to most of your gigs… You get all the goods without having to give back. Totally justified, huh?

 

 

 It would also be nice if some of the love was shown back…I have only seen 2 people from the bands I support come to any of my gigs, ever. I know most of the members in these bands do work, have band practices and/or families and etc. Not to mention, most bands play the same nights I do, but not every time.  It would just be nice to look out in the crowd and see them giving back the support I do.  Maybe one day...

 

 

 Simply put, people are just disappointing and I’m tired of holding back and not saying anything about it.  I guess I have truly relied on others for happiness far too long in my life and I am leaving on God now to keep me from just giving up on humanity all together.  I am loved and appreciated by many and I know that…but somehow not by the ones I would stick my neck out for and defend until my dying day…even those who have maliciously hurt me.  I forgive, move on, and still try to help/be there/support... At this point...I'm done worrying about it.  Just hurts, that's all...  Regardless, I will continue to be a devoted and loyal fan to my favorite local bands/musicians.  I may not get anything in return, but at least with some, I am appreciated for my own music and to have that is the only real praise I need from humans. Music is all that matters to me in the long run, so thanks for recognizing my gift and rewarding me with compliments, love, and support.  Thank you to those who believe in ME. Thanks for anyone who say I’m already famous in their eyes, because they are the real stars and those who shall be thanked the most. 

 

“Someday, I’m gonna pack up and leave this town. I’m gonna have my own thing going on and when I do I’ll forget about how you’re so vain. Your tired words are all the same. I would walk away, if I wasn’t such a sucker for you.” (“Sucker”~ John C. Mayer).

 

Hey World, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

The best is yet to come.

 

This is my life. I’m in control. I dare any one to stand in my way or put me down. 

Ready or not, I’m on my way with a fury and not changing for anyone but myself in the areas I need improvement in.



minnieadams minnieadams
26-30, F
1 Response Sep 9, 2012

I really liked what you said about being yourself and how the world's hiding behind a mask. I liked how you stated your name as well. Mine's Jameison Kenny. I tell truths and hide when the world gets too shadowy. Keep being yourself. Adele is certainly about the best out there and she doesn't candy coat. She has class!