My father was rich. Key word…was. He was upper middle class and  engaged to marry a lower upper class women.

Then he got my mother pregnant. They should have gotten an abortion. He should have paid my mother off and kept it on the qt. No, he had to do the “right thing” and marry her. One of the problems with marring my “out of wedlock” pregnant mother was she was part Wichita Indian. That would make my mother and me “half-breeds”. No matter that she was only a very small amount Wichita Indian. One drop back then and you were “half-breed”. Also, it didn’t help that her side of the family was poor working class. 

   My stupid dad was disinherited. He had a son who was a bastard and a “half-breed”.   I was barely aware that I was some small part Wichita Indian. The shame was never talked about.

When I was a teenager I went to a Wichita pow-wow. I walked around, not belonging, but feeling somhow connected.   At the end of the pow-wow the drummers’ invited everyone to join in a community circle dance. 

  My heart ached and for one of the few times in my then “sociopath” life I cried. As I danced, I got lost in the beat of the drums, I cried. I had never felt such joy or such pain as I danced. I can feel the feel the pain now. It is unbearable.

Dewduster Dewduster
66-70, M
6 Responses Feb 19, 2009

I Love your story. There is A similar story in my family. What A terrible mentality. Thanks for sharing.

OK StellaKowalski, we are connected. We are friends...DD

retiredfather, for the first time I am a bit disappointed in your commit. You may know better then most how a mixed race marriage can effect the children and I wish you had said more. No big problem, just would like to hear more from you…DD<br />
<br />
virginlove, there are some signs that the abomination is giving way to acceptance. People now react in a better way when they learn I have some Indian blood. There are real signs that all the different races are being welcome more then what it was in the 1940-50s…DD


thank you...DD

It must've been awful for you and your mum, but especially her - to be branded a 'halfbreed' is unforgiveable. They're just people though and people are mainly stupid - your genes recognised the tribal drums and it made you weep. If your genes remember, how can you be 'half' anything?