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Half-breed

I am a mixed blood, but was only raised with one side.

My father is white, my mother is Navajo and Cheyenne.

I stopped talking to my father when I was 17, and never really knew his family. I know that they were of English descent, but that is it.

I have two half-sisters, both with Native fathers (Shawnee, and the other Navajo)

Although I was raised with my traditions, and still am very much apart of it, I sometimes feel out-casted in my own family. ...in my own tribe.

I have a lot of Native friends, who tell me that they don't see me as mixed at all. That I am one of them as any other, because I actually know my traditions, was brought up with them, and did not try to claim my heritage later in life to seem more interesting, as so many people do. Still, sometimes these physical attributes hold me back, and that is such a stupid reason.

Though my hair is dark, and I have all the typical facial features, I was given blue-green eyes and fair skin. I guess I should be thankful for a unique mixture, but sometimes it feels like a burden. Especially when I'm visiting friends on the reservation and getting suspicious stares from strangers. No matter that I can say hi to them in their native language, or that I can partake in their ceremonies. I'll always be looked at as not entirely belonging to some.

My mother told me to learn to stop caring about what people think, and its what I think that matters. Still, it bothers me from time to time. It bothers me that some have a 'Redder then thou' attitude. Yet at the same time I can understand...

It bothers me too when people with only a drop of NDN blood who were never even made aware of their own heritage until later in life are suddenly oh so connected, and have always been involved. They want to come to the powwows and celebrations and buy all the god damn fringe but they don't want to be here when things get ugly. They don't want to help the youth of troubled rez kids when they screw up. They don't want to march in protest of Columbus day or any other issue. They only want to be apart of the "magic" and "beaauutiful spirituality" as we are portrayed in old western movies.

So I guess I cannot be angry with anyone, on either side. I just have to be who I feel inside, and that person inside doesn't really have a race, does she? Souls don't have skin or blood. They just are who they are, and I already know who I am.


Honehe Honehe 19-21, F 9 Responses Oct 18, 2007

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It's too bad more people don't think like you. Alas, I am a half-breed and know little to nothing about my own heritage. I feel as if its been stolen from me. My mother lied about who my dad was until i was 23. Im Half Natchez and Lakota, and Scottish on the other half. I don't know where I fit in. Most people think I'm Mexican. My dad says I have relatives on the rez who would hate me. I say f-ck em! You are no better than whatever you think I am if that's your attitude! As long as the people I love love me back and accept both halves of me I shouldn't care. But oh does it sting sometimes. It's like being trapped in a whirlwind. Never knowing which direction I should embrace. Can one travel two roads that seem to lead in different directions? Does the Creator care which you follow if it leads to the same end? Red or otherwise? My road seems pink as the setting of the sun. That can't be a bad thing..

It only matters what Creator thinks! He has created you for a special and unique purpose that only you can deliver. Don't get caught up in the "why and how come I was made this way?" When you understand the gifts and use what Creator gave you - all else falls to the side. People see this, people respect this, people are drawn to this, because this IS our true calling.I am mixed myself. My father indigenous, my mother white. My mother asked for a brown hair/eye dark skin baby (and she got my sister) and she asked for a fair skinned blonde blue eyed baby (and then there was me!) On top of that my father became an rcmp (a police officer in canada) and we never did grow up on the rez. I am the first to move back onto the rez. God seeded in my heart to help the kids out here, and this is what I strive to do. I can only share what's in my heart and people will see this or not, despite what I look like. People will always be people! But what really matters is your relationship with Creator. If you think about it - God doesn't need you to get things done (which takes the burden off you) so it's like your free to dream and create something awesome with him. Native spirituality is about relationship with all things made from Creator - and most importantly the relationship between you and him. Don't forget this sacred relationship between you and him!

Hi, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your story here and your venting. I feel the same way but in a different context. I am half native (nanticoke) and half French. We have long suspected that there is some African in us as well (suuuupppeerrrr curly hair on her side in some...including me). Anyway, it used to bother me that people never knew what I was...most assume middle-eastern or half African when they see me...I'm kinda hard to figure out. But eventually I realized that that stuff didn't really matter. I didn't need to have everyone know my background (in fact its kind of fun bc nobody knows and sometimes I can just tell people imbfrom a random place and they'll believe it! :) hehe). I think its important to realize that your community doesn't have to be seated in race...you can feel kinship and not look the same or even think the same. I think mixed people are beautiful not because of what they look like but what they represent.

My grandmother was in residential school .. Not saying what happened was nothing.. But how long is everyone going to cry and make everyone feel bad for being born on their ancestors land. .. Throughout history people migrate everywhere ..,, it happens . 500 years ago the world of the map had different borders and names. If Europeans didn't come here first someone else would and invasion aren't friendly no matter what the nation is. At least there wasn't any ghengis khan nonsense ..

I'm native canadian (ojibwe) English and Persian. I find I am proud of all of me. I stay away from natives who hate on whites.. My son is white, my friends are white, my grandfather is white .. Yet I also have Persian father. My mom wants to hide her English roots but I embrace it my sons father family is from England. I think this day and age no one should feel shame! Mixed kids should embrace both European and native roots. How ignorant I find some natives I know.. Talk all garbage about cultures they don't even know. No human is pure blood. I don't like drunks no matter what race they are... But you always hear em say "what? You don't like me cause I'm Indian?" No in 2013 we don't like you because you're a dirty drunk who's lookin up my skirt and askin me for Change! Ever sick. I'm from Winnipeg I grew up going to native centres. My mom lived in north end (ghetto ) Sure people find out their roots later on in life and want to live spiritually maybe because its a good way to be . The teachings teach respect for all the colours. Anishinabe means human being. The teachings are for EVERYONE . My dads people over seas smudge , respect their body mind and spirit. Lots of "pure" natives don't even practise any of that anyway.......,,Doesn't matter any more. Good people are good and bad people are bad doesn't matter who they are or where they are from

I'm native american and white. I am Lakota Sioux (Oglala) and Polish. I am hurt the "redder than thou" attitude as well because no matter what I am proud of my heritage. I also want to say that your comment is what's perpetuating the hate, you said you hate it when whites who have only a drop claim to be so "involved". Well, most Natives feel that way, and that's why people like you and I are discriminated. No one knows who has what in their blood, so it's not for anyone to say if a white has a drop, or four drops or half Native, because all that matters is that they are proud. I feel that native americvans are all fine and good when whites buy their knick knacks at the pow wows but when those of us who are half and half want to participate in REAL tribal events, we are treated less than, and it is very unfair, not to mention un-native. In fact, to hate someone because of they blood they were born with is more of a white american attitude than anything so Native americans really need to stop that. Hate people for what they do, not for the blood they have. White can be very very evil, but I'm proud of being mixed. Alos, the native american blood in my veins comes from a tribe that has lighter skin anyways, so that's why my skin is lighter besides the white part.I'm so sick of having to "prove" myself to other natives just to earn their acceptance, or acknowledgment. If you are really bother by this, maybe you could start a blog/support group for others like yourself, because I know several half and halfs dealing with this problem. And it really is a PROBLEM.

Sorry for all the spelling errors, I get very passionate about this subject because a Native American teacher of mine never acknowledges my Lakota Sioux blood and it's really offending me. I live in Michigan and Natives here act like if you live in Michigan, you can only be of a Michigan tribal heritage. Um..people migrate, it happens all the time,lol.

I catch a lot of flack from Native Americans because I practice a very Native form of spirituality that some might refer to as "witchcraft" (most white christians.) Unfortunately, I find that most natives tend to be Christian..so I get treated differently because I am not a Christian. But it makes no sense to me that Natives have adapted such a "white" religion, and leave their own spirituality behind in favor of "church". It's sad that Natives have lost their connection to the religion of Nature. So, I get sad because I feel as though I am picked on for this as well. Even though I am mixed with "white" I feel as though I have earned my place in the Native world. I protest, I defend our honor to the ignorant people of the world, I practice ancient customs, I am really in touch with the way of the Native. Can other natives who are full blooded say as much? I am just saying that I really admire you for writing this because our Native families need to be more open to those of us who are not full blooded.

I am mixed. A typical pound puppy of the US. The only culture that I have is that I was Countryborn in the Midwest. My father didn't go to church, my mother didn't until I was nine. I got dragged to church with her and my brother got to stay home. I learned that Church is a place for people to gather and nit pick the bible, each other, and gossip. I hated it. I couldn't wait to get home. I found my spirit uplifted when I went out into the woods alone. When I was twelve I found an Indian head in the creek and my mother told me both sides of my family were mixed. My fathers side is mixed french/scottish/cherokee and my mothers side is mixed sottish/german/english/cherokee/lakotah I feel both connected to study my native heritage as well as my european heritage, but culturally I am a typical US mutt. Through my study of european peoples I have come to realize that my european ancestors were for thousands of years treated much like the native americans, by the Christians. Native Europeans were pagan and through strife converted to Christians mostly by force by the ruling classes for Political Gains. Many Cultural sites were destroyed and Churches built in their place. Many who refused to convert were killed. It was a cultural genocide. When the Christian Reformations happened they came here and did it to the natives. Christianity teaches love and acceptance of all races but the people don't always practice what they teach. I don't belong to any race because I am mixed...maybe I belong to the mixed race but most mixed race people don't feel connected. I think that is our biggest problem. We should feel connected because we don't have to call ourselves white, black, indian, or asian...we can call ourselves human and become the Original People void of culture, class, and race. I think that would be better than feeling left out, we are unique.

I am a half-breed too, although I grew up in the city far from the rez. My own experience was that I was usually not white enough, or not red enough for most people. At first I received alot of crap from kids at school, so I tried to downplay my Native heritage. Then later I was cool with it, and the Native kids at school were not cool with me. Depending on the situation, sometimes I feel like I totally fit in with people, and other times it's clear that I do not belong. It's definitely confusing to be of mixed ancestry, though today I am proud to have both Native AND German ancestry. I am not ashamed of anything that I am.

This is an interesting story and i think alot of people of mixed blood culture religion etc go through some kind of identity crisis,I know i have on a cultural and religious basis.Its something that just to be worked through, butit can be very hard at time.