Half-breedI am a mixed blood, but was only raised with one side.
My father is white, my mother is Navajo and Cheyenne.
I stopped talking to my father when I was 17, and never really knew his family. I know that they were of English descent, but that is it.
I have two half-sisters, both with Native fathers (Shawnee, and the other Navajo)
Although I was raised with my traditions, and still am very much apart of it, I sometimes feel out-casted in my own family. ...in my own tribe.
I have a lot of Native friends, who tell me that they don't see me as mixed at all. That I am one of them as any other, because I actually know my traditions, was brought up with them, and did not try to claim my heritage later in life to seem more interesting, as so many people do. Still, sometimes these physical attributes hold me back, and that is such a stupid reason.
Though my hair is dark, and I have all the typical facial features, I was given blue-green eyes and fair skin. I guess I should be thankful for a unique mixture, but sometimes it feels like a burden. Especially when I'm visiting friends on the reservation and getting suspicious stares from strangers. No matter that I can say hi to them in their native language, or that I can partake in their ceremonies. I'll always be looked at as not entirely belonging to some.
My mother told me to learn to stop caring about what people think, and its what I think that matters. Still, it bothers me from time to time. It bothers me that some have a 'Redder then thou' attitude. Yet at the same time I can understand...
It bothers me too when people with only a drop of NDN blood who were never even made aware of their own heritage until later in life are suddenly oh so connected, and have always been involved. They want to come to the powwows and celebrations and buy all the god damn fringe but they don't want to be here when things get ugly. They don't want to help the youth of troubled rez kids when they screw up. They don't want to march in protest of Columbus day or any other issue. They only want to be apart of the "magic" and "beaauutiful spirituality" as we are portrayed in old western movies.
So I guess I cannot be angry with anyone, on either side. I just have to be who I feel inside, and that person inside doesn't really have a race, does she? Souls don't have skin or blood. They just are who they are, and I already know who I am.