I am a mixed blood, but was only raised with one side.

My father is white, my mother is Navajo and Cheyenne.

I stopped talking to my father when I was 17, and never really knew his family. I know that they were of English descent, but that is it.

I have two half-sisters, both with Native fathers (Shawnee, and the other Navajo)

Although I was raised with my traditions, and still am very much apart of it, I sometimes feel out-casted in my own family. ...in my own tribe.

I have a lot of Native friends, who tell me that they don't see me as mixed at all. That I am one of them as any other, because I actually know my traditions, was brought up with them, and did not try to claim my heritage later in life to seem more interesting, as so many people do. Still, sometimes these physical attributes hold me back, and that is such a stupid reason.

Though my hair is dark, and I have all the typical facial features, I was given blue-green eyes and fair skin. I guess I should be thankful for a unique mixture, but sometimes it feels like a burden. Especially when I'm visiting friends on the reservation and getting suspicious stares from strangers. No matter that I can say hi to them in their native language, or that I can partake in their ceremonies. I'll always be looked at as not entirely belonging to some.

My mother told me to learn to stop caring about what people think, and its what I think that matters. Still, it bothers me from time to time. It bothers me that some have a 'Redder then thou' attitude. Yet at the same time I can understand...

It bothers me too when people with only a drop of NDN blood who were never even made aware of their own heritage until later in life are suddenly oh so connected, and have always been involved. They want to come to the powwows and celebrations and buy all the god damn fringe but they don't want to be here when things get ugly. They don't want to help the youth of troubled rez kids when they screw up. They don't want to march in protest of Columbus day or any other issue. They only want to be apart of the "magic" and "beaauutiful spirituality" as we are portrayed in old western movies.

So I guess I cannot be angry with anyone, on either side. I just have to be who I feel inside, and that person inside doesn't really have a race, does she? Souls don't have skin or blood. They just are who they are, and I already know who I am.

Honehe Honehe
18-21, F
6 Responses Oct 18, 2007

Thank you so much for your beautiful testimony, a multibreed here myself.

Darling, I am only half also. I have been accepted in so many ways. My mothers family wants to know me more. Even though they are all full and i am only half. They have learned to accept it. From my point of view the only way they will ever be prejudice, is if you let yourself think that way. They may not see it that way. You just make it seem that way. Your loved.

Hi! I am part native american as well, but dont tell many people because...well...take a look at my profile picture. I was raised black as well, so I am not a true native american. Just have the blood running through me from my mother and father. <br />
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Anyway, strong story. I like how you speak. I can feel the way you feel. You are right. You are who you are. No reason to be ashamed. The people who come to your rez only wanting to be part of "the goood stuff" do not understand the way you do...nor do the natives who look at you funny because of your white heritage. You have alot of feeling, and I can tell that your experiences have made you wise on the subject. Good luck.

I feel for you - I`m part Cree, Ojibwe, and Scottish (white). I`m a scientist, and one day I did a chart on my own genetics, and there was a 1 in 36 chance I would end up with white skin and light hair - I got both. Instead of being darker skinned with dark hair, I`m super pale with dark blond hair. When I go to pow-wows people call me the `white indian` which sucks and lowers my confidence that I do belong. The one good thing though, is that I found an elder who acknowledges me for who I am, and when I go to his sweats and other ceremonies, I belong. Meegwetch.

Whether your mixed blood or full blood isnt the point, what really matters is you know the true ways of your people. Where I come from, the problem is not about people reconnecting with their heritage, its about people that reconnect to a heritage they never had to begin with! Also in my tribe, the problem is (especially tribal members from the Cherokee Nation and the Eastern Band that don't live with their tribes in Oklahoma and NC, is some of them could really care less about Cherokee tradition.

I think it's awesome that even though you are aware and admit to the prejudices and mixed emotions of your mixed blood heritage, you realize that deep down it's how you feel about yourself, and how those who truly love you feel that is important. <br />
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It's very difficult to not feel like your own skin fits. IDK if I said that correctly, or if it makes sense but anyway...I guess I'm basically just saying I can identify with you and I respect what you had to say.