Finding Myself At Long Last

Ever since I learned about puberty in the 4rth grade, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want male or female parts, but that left me with the big question: What am I then? 'Everybody' is a he or a she, even the transgender, but I wanted to be neither. For years I struggled with my gender identity and I couldn't find a thing. Two therapists told me I'd out grow these feelings, one even told me I was transgender and just didn't realize it. Others told me that I I hated being a girl because of sexual abuse, which isn't true, none of that ever happened to me. I felt all alone, I felt like some kind of freak. I grew depressed and begain to lothe myself, I was even a cutter for a few years. However, two months ago, after 14 years, I found my answer and others like me. I am a neutrois and I am not alone. I won't lie, when I realized I wasn't a 'freak', I was so happy, I cried.
Though I don't think of myself as a girl, I do use 'she' and won't get angry if called 'she'. I used it for 23 years and 'it' just doesn't seem right.
lonelylittlefox lonelylittlefox
22-25, F
May 21, 2012