No Matter What, I Am Never HappyIt doesn't matter what I do, where I go, or where life takes me ... I am never happy. What else is there to say? Nothing is ever quite right or good enough for me, including myself. There's always something wrong with my job, my house, my friends, my religion, my finances, my yard, my health, etc. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, and I spend ALL of my time trying to get to the other side.
The best example of this in my life is work. I leave one job for another thinking, "Finally I've arrived!" only to find out that I haven't arrived. I've just crossed over to another pasture that looked greener but really wasn't. In fact it turned out to be a little less green. It's funny how things look so much different from the other side of the fence. So now I've been at my new job for just 5 months, and I'm ready to move on again. Things at this job are pretty bad compared to my last job. At my last job I felt underpaid and disrespected. At this job I feel like I'm paid well, but I feel like management cares nothing about me. My happiness shouldn't be ba
That's just one example, but it's probably the biggest one in my life. I wish I could feel differently, I really do, but I feel like this way of living and thinking has been programmed into me since I was a child. In my experience it's very difficult if not near impossible to undo 40 years of programming.
So what's next? Do I keep looking for another job? Do I once again keep telling myself over and over that I need to learn to accept life (and my job) as it is while never really believing it? I have no idea. It's a vicious circle, and I wish I could get the hell off.