No Matter What, I Am Never Happy

It doesn't matter what I do, where I go, or where life takes me ... I am never happy. What else is there to say? Nothing is ever quite right or good enough for me, including myself. There's always something wrong with my job, my house, my friends, my religion, my finances, my yard, my health, etc. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, and I spend ALL of my time trying to get to the other side.

The best example of this in my life is work. I leave one job for another thinking, "Finally I've arrived!" only to find out that I haven't arrived. I've just crossed over to another pasture that looked greener but really wasn't. In fact it turned out to be a little less green. It's funny how things look so much different from the other side of the fence. So now I've been at my new job for just 5 months, and I'm ready to move on again. Things at this job are pretty bad compared to my last job. At my last job I felt underpaid and disrespected. At this job I feel like I'm paid well, but I feel like management cares nothing about me. My happiness shouldn't be based completely on external things I know, but I've always looked for the perfect job that will give me a foundation from which I can truly live my life, achieve career goals, etc. With the last few job experiences I've had, I feel just plain stuck. I'm a worker bee who is used to get work done. Why do I expect more from my employer? Why do I expect them to give a damn about me? Why do I expect to feel respected and cared about? Why do I base my happiness on my job and my employer's attitude towards me?

That's just one example, but it's probably the biggest one in my life. I wish I could feel differently, I really do, but I feel like this way of living and thinking has been programmed into me since I was a child. In my experience it's very difficult if not near impossible to undo 40 years of programming.

So what's next? Do I keep looking for another job? Do I once again keep telling myself over and over that I need to learn to accept life (and my job) as it is while never really believing it? I have no idea. It's a vicious circle, and I wish I could get the hell off.
ConstantBattle ConstantBattle
10 Responses Apr 11, 2011

One way to think about this is that you are not undoing 40 years of programming - you can only think what you think now... the present time is the only time you can think - your mind can flash up ideals on the screen of your awareness - your mind will imagine how other people are, what they are doing etc and it will never correspond to what or who you are in the present. When a thought arises in your mind or anything for that matter you can choose to embrace resist or let go of that thought. It is really a matter of feeling your own presence and letting go of thinking that is redundant or doesn't serve you. One other solution is to stop asking yourself questions especially if you never seem to get anywhere by doing so. Too many questions will drive you crazy. As well as asking questions your mind will also make general statements about how things are - the general state of affairs of life in general or of the planet. Unless you are willing to actually do something to find solutions to real world problems it is probably best to just let go of those thoughts which do not serve you.

Using your imagination can be a useful way to think about your own mind and what it is - how you think about your mind and what it is capable of may make a difference. It is not guaranteed to make you happy but sometimes you need to give your mind something to think about in order for it to be content. One of the definitions of wellbeing in psychology is integration (the linkage of differentiated parts) what parts are you linking?

You are linking your emotions with the felt presence of your physical body. You are bringing balance to your thinking and feeling selves in order to feel good within your body. Looking for strategies or techniques which foster such a balance can be useful. From my experience there is no magic bullet but finding ways to relax into your experience and finding a comfortable point of resistance is the best way to maintain wellbeing. Speaking to someone might also help but I would avoid psychiatrists or doctors as they will just likely offer you drugs which will probably make you worse.

I know it's been years but did you ever find the perfect job?

It's been over 4 years. No, I never found the perfect job because there is no such thing. I did, however, get so tired of thinking the way I did that I found a job that's in line with what I enjoy doing and made a decision to stick with it through good and bad times (unless it starts to take over my personal life). I've been there nearly 3 1/2 years and so far it's been good. I have a friend who works for one of the major credit card companies. He's worked for them for I think 10 years and gets 30 days of vacation for that. Oh how I wish I'd been able to do the same. That earned time off is priceless in life!

i am 38 years old, not a single day i felt happiness. i do not know what is wrong with me.

I feel the same way, I am 30 yrs old and I never worked more than a year in one company. This time it's only 6 months and I want to change my job again. Even small things bothers me:-(

I know how you feel. The whole " the grass seems greener on the other side". It happens to me all the time .

It's weird hearing someone describe exactly how I'm feeling, it's good to know I'm not alone

I am in the same position as you...its driving me crazy. I feel so depressed like I am never going to find that thing that makes me happy. Mine is mostly my job but there are other things too. The only thing that does make me happy is my hubby and my daughter but I can;t be with them all the time unfortunately.

Good luck and I hope we both find what we are looking for!!

iNtuitiveFEeling, You are awesome in your explanation. I am the same way

You're not wrong at all to expect respect and caring from your employers/coworkers. The fact is, they're also human beings, just like you. There's no real excuse for being treated like a machine when you're not one. Please don't give up hope. Don't get bitter. Keep trying to find something that suits you and don't blame yourself for having expectations.

If you are anywhere as neurologically vigilant as I am, than life gets to you more intensely. You expect more because you care more. You seek a harmonious life free of cognitive dissonance.

However, we inhabit an inhospitable world where few people care or listen. Your perplexity and pain are legitimate.

I love the way that you wrote this and it hit home with me immediately!