Evolve

Hello: first of all I do not know to whom I am talking to or even where in the virtual reality world I am. I only have a smartphone, so it's harder to get through. But I will try. I am older, and although I feel younger, and think a lot younger, sometimes I feel I am very inadequate in trying to fill my role as a grandpa. I feel I did not do that great of a job as a parent either, but I did my best. Evolve is a story my late youngest son wrote, about his struggles,and problems in life, for which I feel partially responsible. I cannot make sense of his early death, and am trying very hard to come to terms with it. Now I am tryng to make amends, by taking care of my 4 grandchildren, whom I take and pick up from school every day. However,I have always had problems with my personality, and found out just recently that I have a condition called schizotypal personality disorder. I get ver nerveous among people, don't want anyone to look at me and I feel it's wired in. I think it is because my mother had the same problem, and it has it's beginning in the holocoust. Jews were really singled out for persecution back then, and I thought I would escape the ravages , but it has caused me to be psychologycally very disturbed, seemingly all my life. I now know what's wrong with me, andthe things to do to help myself, but, there is a block to that, and then inthe presence of people everything falls apart.

There is a lot more to my story, but it would be nice to find somebody to be able to talk to someone, about this. Thanks for listening.
obe2 obe2
61-65
Dec 1, 2012