Separated, Now What?I separated from my husband about two and a half months ago. We have three young children, ages 2, 4, and 6. We have been together for 10 years. During this time, he couldn't hold a job and neglected me emotionally and physically while he trolled the Internet for images to feed his so-called sexual fetish, which I consider to be an addiction. His fetish is an attraction to female navels, and most of the time he was looking at and commenting on pictures of preteens and teenagers. They were always clothed in bikinis and lingerie...no nudity, but it has completely destroyed our marriage. Every night while he was on the computer, I laid in bed lonely and wondering why he didn't want me. He has two secret email accounts, one of which he says that he is a sixteen year old male. He also has had several secret storage sheds where he has stored images. I don't believe that he would ever cross the line, but I don't feel that his behavior is appropriate either. He is getting ready to sign a contract for another teaching position, as we are both educators. I feel in my heart that i should tell the school what he has been doing, but i also run the risk of never getting any kind of child support either. I took him to therapy and a marriage retreat. He'd behave for a little while, but I know that he was secretly doing this while I went to work (often at two jobs) while he spent the day on the computer, playing videogames, or watching television. He showered maybe once per week and rarely ever lifted a finger to do anything around the house. He is living in a hotel now and has only given me $100 the entire time he has been gone toward the support of our children. He says that he doesn't want a divorce, but has taken no action to seek therapy or to try and improve our marriage. He says that he just wants to work on improving himself. He goes to church with us every Sunday and says that he has always and will always love me. I believe that he is still in denial and doesn't see the sexual issues as a real problem. We have had sex less and less every year throughout our marriage. In 2010, we have had sex only one time, but he couldn't maintain an erection, so it didn't really happen. We average maybe 4-5 times per year.
Should I continue to give him more time and just remain the loyal and devoted wife, but do my own thing? If so, how long should i wait until i file the divorce papers? Is there really any hope that this will ever get better, or am I just wasting more of my life with him? If it weren't for the children who love and adore their father, I would have been gone a long time ago. I can't stand living in limbo like this. I think that this might be worse, because I don't know where things stand. At least if a guy says he wants out, his message is clear.
emptymarriage 31-35, F 5 Responses 0 May 30, 2010