17 years of being with the same man two children cats, dogs............ Now me alone. Eating myself to the point of no return. I made the decision to leave a beautiful home, a man who is awesome at providing, two beautiful teenagers, and the cats. They are all together. I took the dogs and the vehicle and ran. I couldn't live lethargic anymore we couldn't decide on what we wanted in the end it was yeah What ever! There were no pictures on the walls no desire just lumps. I felt like a lump I couldn't think anymore I didn't want to do anything.
Now  I live in a one bedroom apartment with my two dogs and live in fear! How do I take care of me was I crazy to leave??? This is seperation # 2. I am not happy with him I do not want to be with him but yet he is all I know......... How will I get through this without going stark raving mad??? I do not know?

I love my dogs they get me out, they make me responsible otherwise I would be hiding in my apartment and crying and not ever leaving.

I know there is something better out there for me I know I must let go but I truly am having a very difficult time. My kids are amazing they knew it was coming and one of them seems to be dealing with it very well the other not so well.  It is hard with out them but yet easier knowing that they are ok.

Anyone else out there experiencing crazy making tooooo??? Looking for support and a friend!
LadyGwen LadyGwen
36-40, F
7 Responses Dec 9, 2007

I am sitting here scared out of my wits. My husband just came in and is just sitting on the futon petting the cat and waiting. He broke out of the stress center. I got a call from the police that they will be here in a few minutes, they told me that he threw a sofa though a wired safety glass door turned on the ward attendant and backed them down took his stuff and left. The police just came in with guns drawn, my husband asked if they were prepared to use them because he was never going to be confined again, they said that it was going to be just a couple of months stay at the state hospital. They are still trying to get him to see the good that might come out of it. He holds them off with his cane. His mother and sister have been called to talk to him about it. My husband was on the phone with someone when the police came in, I have been informed that the ACLU has just filed a write on behalf of my husband to allow him to make his own decision about staying in a mental hospital. The police have sent for a mental health worker, they don't consider my husband a danger right now. It is going to become very crowded around here. I am on a laptop in the living room.
My husbands mother and sister are here talking to him, they are saying that the police should be able to take him where they will do him the most good, they don't want him hurt, for that matter neither do I. He is telling them to put three rounds each dead center chest, that way they insure he is no longer a threat to the corrupt way he is to be treated. He just told everyone in here all his death would mean is one less bottom feeder to the state of privilege. It might be fun to see if they can put rounds on target. He said I wont even move. His sister and mother are crying they begged for my husband to allow them to take him into custody. He said NO again. Told them to get a warrant and let him stand in court, they asked why and my husband said he would have a real story for the news.

It is not a situation where I do not love my husband, it is a situation where things in his family, and my own fears. that caused my husband to become a very bitter, vengeful person, I went home to my mother expecting her to understand about the two months prior to me coming back. She had been given a complete file by Family Social Services in the state I have lived in with my husband, I gave them permission to release it to her. When I arrived at her house she took me to a group home and told me that this was where I was going to be unless I went back to my husband. She has told me in talks with her that there was going to be an intervention in my husbands father, and the way he had been a very negative influence on me. She also bought my old boyfriend over under very heavy supervision, I was not allowed to go someplace with him to talk or do anything else. The last several months have been up and down for me. After several weeks I agreed to go back home. My father in law has become almost rabid in his quest to make his son do exactly as anyone tells him to do, my husbands favorite word is now no. He actively seeks to tick people off. He is very sick, and I am showing now in my fourth month in a very late life pregnancy. I am still afraid of what that will bring, I don't think if my husband survives beyond the delivery, the Doctor says that since it is a late life pregnancy it will be by C-section. I keep asking how this happened and all she says is that there are more than two hundred documented cases of pregnancy up to the age of sixty five in the last decade, she said it is becoming not so common but it is happening more often.
My husband has been put back in a stress center, in his new personality, he told the mayors representative of go to hell and get out of his face. His father said that was the last straw and showed up with his twelve gauge just to have my husband ****** it out of his hands as he came through the front door. His father had to watch as my husband unloaded the shotgun, took a what he calls a single hand sledge hammer and bent the barrel, destroyed something called the receiver and firing pin the shattered the stock then proudly handed all the parts back to his father and said that is a very nice weapon, might want to see a gunsmith for repairs. then with a smile told him to leave, by law the only people in this state that are allowed to destroy a gun is the police, or the FBIs ATF section. This is the reason the mayors representative was told to get the hell away. He was a police officer fielding several complaints from his father and others that thought it a sacrilege to a piece of fine weaponry to see my husband destroy it. His father wants to be reimbursed for the weapon but again my husband says that it is in his best interest that he doesn't. His father was using it to either threaten or harm him into control or death so he had a right to destroy it. The police said he should have called them before taking matters into his own hands.
The case workers in the stress center are saying that they have had to stop my husband from leaving many times, he used a chair to break into the locker where they where keeping his wallet, cane, shoes and coat. then he went and bypassed the electric lock and they had to bring my husband down with five people and sedatives. In the discussions with us about my husband condition, the consensus is becoming clear that my husband feels that there will be no justice. They said that the way my husband had been bullied by conspiracy most of his life that it was going to be a long period of treatment, even then it was not going to be the outcome his father wanted to see his son become a lackey for society like he wants. They say my husband has been pushed to the point his emotions are kept suppressed, and he just sits back and says NO, they try and point out to him that cooperation is always the easiest path. He answers that it is also the easiest path to slavery.
I have no idea what to do anymore. I know I caused the break in keeping my husband in control. but I needed to have some joy for myself didn't I? It hurts to think that my husband has been considered a societal throw away, but there are always those that have been needed to be to keep society running smoothly. I can see my father in laws point on this. Normally, as we have been told, the person that has been misused like my husband, turns their anger on themselves and commits suicide, my husband did not. he turned his rage on civilized people. Now there are more incidents coming out where people that are adult are being bullied. This is a cop out. Even now I can't see the need for uncivilized action, people like my husband and that football player in Miami need to understand that there has to be people that are to be the bottom of any civilized society. It provides a release to society, like the fool in the middle ages. Someone has to be able to stand a life of ridicule and being held in contempt for society to function. It is to bad this has to be but that is why the strongest are chosen for this roll in life, people need to stop crying and accept that there will always be a set place in society for them and accept their place. This is what they are trying to convince my husband of. His family and me are tired of trying to do it. We are now looking to have him put in an institution in West Virginia. It is for potentially dangerous people.

I feel your pain. I left a good man because I wasn't in love with him. i have been basically lying to him for years when I told him I loved him. It's so hard to leave, though. I live in an efficiency apt now with my cat...Is that sad or what? but I actually like the apt...I just feel so alone and scared. Am I crazy? many of my friends think my husband is wonderful! but he has taken me for granted and basically ignored me for years because he was happy...and didn't understand why I wasn't? I can't help it. I don't love him. But being alone and 48 is very scary! I've left a house and financial security to be on my own...I was happy at first but now I'm getting scared...I don't want to be with my husband but I also don't want to be alone...I need some strength right now.

I too just left my husband, and I can totally relate to the fear and confusion. We were at an impasse, he was happy I wasn't, and it didn't seem to concern him that I wasn't. He as much as told me that he felt no reason to change when he was getting what he wanted. I was hurt and angry, how can a marriage be happy if only one of the couple is happy? And if you truly love someone do you not want them to be happy. Sorry, it's all about me. I will send out positive vibes to the universe for you - you made a decision that is the first step, the others will follow, don't you think? Believe in yourself, you were strong enough to get out, you can handle what life throws at you. Keep moving forward!

Sending you a hug... my husband wants a divorce and wants to keep our kids... I am so scared of leaving them all together and going to start living alone. Am just living in limbo right now. I hope you feel less crazy soon! Take a deep breath and just make tiny goals for yourself... everything happens for a reason and there's probably something better waiting for you.

I'm getting a divorce after 71/2 years. I'm living far away from my friends and family, stuck on an island alone. Where do you go from here? How do you become a different person then the lump? Eveyone tells me I'm young, I'll find the right guy, but I'm tried of that game and dont even know where to start, sorry, this isn't being helpful! But you're not alone out there!

I sooo feel what you're going through. I totally relate. I'm newly seperated myself. The 3 kids are staying at the house with him too. I'm so freaked out but KNOW I made the right decision. Let's be here for each other.