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I Never Thought My Husband Would Leave Me!

 

My name is Sheri and I have been separated from my husband for about 6 months.  They have been the longest six months of my life.

We have been married for almost 16 years.  When we met, I had a one year old son and he had a 7 year old daughter and a 6 year old son.  I had never been married...he married when he was 19, had two kids before he was 20 and was divorced by the time he was 24. 

I was attracted to him because he was funny, easy to talk to, and good with my son.  He treated me like a princess, and he made me feel safe, which was important to me because of some pretty awful relationships I had been involved in.  Our relationship moved along very quickly.  We moved in together after a month, and we were married 3 months later.

We had a son after about a year of marriage who was born with a heart defect.  Having a child with a serious medical condition is hard on any couple, but when you add complications from previous relationships to that, it's really a strain.  We handled it pretty well, I thought, and we leaned on each other.

About a year after our son was born, we decided to move to the city where his son and daughter lived.  He moved up here about 2 months before I did.  I quiit my teaching job, pulled out my retirement, and moved here.  It was good to be around the kids, and also allowed our son better care for his heart.  Money was tight, but we made the decision for me to stay home with the kids.  I think that was the beginning of the end.  I need to work.  Staying at home with the kids was wonderful, but I felt like I wasn't contributing to the family, and it was depressing. 

We had our last child, a daughter, a year later.  Now we had five children...his, hers, and ours...limited resources, and two of his brothers and their friends who kept moving in with us.  We started to grow apart a little, and I began to get more depressed.

Our son's health began to decline, and all our attention went to him.  Our other kids started to feel neglected, I started to withdraw into myself, and my husband looked elsewhere for fulfillment.  He works out of town alot, and started up a couple of relationships with women he met through work.  It seemed like every time we had a crisis, and should have leaned on each other, he was cheating and I was hiding under the covers.

I thought we were doing better this past year.  I had finally dragged myself out of my depression, I had started to lose weight and feel better about myself, and I was trying so hard to connect with him more.  But he began to withdraw.  One night in July, before we were to leave on a trip to NY for Make A Wish...he told me he didn't love me any more and he was leaving.  We went on the trip, pretended everything was fine, and he literally left 15 minutes after we got home.

I was devastated.  He moved in with an old school friend (female) for awhile, but moved out when she started demanding more from him than he wanted to give.

Here is the strange thing...we have talked more and spent more quality time together since he left.  We have gone out on dates.  We talk or text pretty much every day.  Our sex life is very active.  He has agreed not to file for divorce for awhile, but still says he's not sure if he loves me.  He says sometimes he wants to be with me, and sometimes he doesn't want to talk to me.  Don't all married couples go through that?  He says he is enjoying his freedom...which I understand.  He hasn't been alone since he was 19 years. old .  He's had a lot of responsibility in his life, and I really didn't give him much support when he was here.

I so want us to reconcile.  I am trying to give him space, but it is so hard!  I go a little crazy sometimes because I have no one to talk to.  My family and friends want me to cut him loose, but I know that the failure of our marriage is not only his fault!  I am working on myself, and I know I could be a better wife to him. 

So I wait and try to be patient!  I would really love to have someone to talk to.

sherikee sherikee 41-45 1 Response Jan 24, 2011

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If he dosn't know whether he loves you....why are you sleeping with him? Don't be his go to girl until another woman comes around. You ddeserve so much more!!!! Sometimes it dosn't matter how hard we try...it just won't work unless both are committed. Mine left for another woman a week ago after 12 affairs and 22 years. He didn't leave before he could find someone he wanted to be with...and thinks hes in love with. Have I been a perfect wife...no. Made alot of mistakes, but infedelity nooo. I'm sorry if this hurts. I am pretty hurt right now. Not only has he left but he is acting like I am nothing. I don't have but a few weeks to find someplace to go. Have to get rid of all of our pets and just for spite, he took me off his friends list on face book. Very rarely do men change after a couple of affairs..I know. And its devistating. I thought he cared and loved me.