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Recently Separated...

Just a week and a half ago, my wife told me she wasn't happy, and wanted a divorce. This caught me by complete surprise! I packed some clothes and left that night. That was the hardest thing I've ever done...leaving the children behind (temporarily, of course)!. I'm not saying our marriage was great, it wasn't, but she didn't even give us a chance to try and fix it.

Our 7 year old is devastated. Every time I see her, she tries to grab onto me and pleads for me to not go or to take her with me. It's the most gut-wrenching feeling I have ever had!

This whole situation is keeping me up at night, and I have gone on meds to help calm me down. The thought of all the changes we are going through is overwhelming to me, and I can't stay focused on anything at all. I know I will eventually get past this, but right now, I just don't see how...

Oh, btw, I think there's someone else, although since I'm gone (about 90 miles away), this will be hard for me to ever prove. I'm just confused and lonely...
misinquefield misinquefield 41-45 8 Responses Feb 10, 2011

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I can sympatize with you a great deal. Wife of 7 years left and I want to know what I did wrong or what I can do to fix it. She has said that I cant do anything and she just needs time alone to figure things out. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished for her not being happy with herself. The loss of control over your destiny is overwhelming. Stay strong for the childrens sake.

I know how you feel, just about two weeks for me to she told me when i came home from my bowling league one night I know how you must feel It really hurts, have to thought about going to a counselor for yourself ? I have just started seeing one It does help a little because they really listen to you, and don't judge you. Hang in there

I know how you feel, just about two weeks for me to she told me when i came home from my bowling league one night I know how you must feel It really hurts, have to thought about going to a counselor for yourself ? I have just started seeing one It does help a little because they really listen to you, and don't judge you. Hang in there

I'm right there with you. Can't focus on anything. Feel like a zombie walking in a dream. Stay strong.

I am going through something similar. My husband has had a "just friend" at work for 7 years now and there are periods when I know the attraction had sparked up. They announced the closure of his plant this past September and everything went downhill badly since. I think it is because he will no longer see her everyday. Now he is gone for hours at a time where I am unable to reach him with his cell phone. He has lied several times about where he was and later contradicted himself. When he said he did not want to stay together I mourned as though he died. Now he still wants to separate but will not move out. He has been very cruel and emotionally abusive at times as well. He wants the separation but wants to stay in the same house for now. Is that fair? If we are going to separate I thought about using a mediator. With him not wanting to move out in the meantime I think instead I will need to see a lawyer. I have a chronic illness which is sparked up by stress and he is causing so much more than need be. I think because he wants to be with her but does not want me to be with anyone else. I was 16 when we started to date and now have been married almost 23 years. I never thought this would happen. I am glad my kids are older as it is terrible for younger children to see there parents split up. I wish you a smooth transition ( or as smooth as possible)

I am going through something similar. My husband has had a "just friend" at work for 7 years now and there are periods when I know the attraction had sparked up. They announced the closure of his plant this past September and everything went downhill badly since. I think it is because he will no longer see her everyday. Now he is gone for hours at a time where I am unable to reach him with his cell phone. He has lied several times about where he was and later contradicted himself. When he said he did not want to stay together I mourned as though he died. Now he still wants to separate but will not move out. He has been very cruel and emotionally abusive at times as well. He wants the separation but wants to stay in the same house for now. Is that fair? If we are going to separate I thought about using a mediator. With him not wanting to move out in the meantime I think instead I will need to see a lawyer. I have a chronic illness which is sparked up by stress and he is causing so much more than need be. I think because he wants to be with her but does not want me to be with anyone else. I was 16 when we started to date and now have been married almost 23 years. I never thought this would happen. I am glad my kids are older as it is terrible for younger children to see there parents split up. I wish you a smooth transition ( or as smooth as possible)

I am going through something similar. My husband has had a "just friend" at work for 7 years now and there are periods when I know the attraction had sparked up. They announced the closure of his plant this past September and everything went downhill badly since. I think it is because he will no longer see her everyday. Now he is gone for hours at a time where I am unable to reach him with his cell phone. He has lied several times about where he was and later contradicted himself. When he said he did not want to stay together I mourned as though he died. Now he still wants to separate but will not move out. He has been very cruel and emotionally abusive at times as well. He wants the separation but wants to stay in the same house for now. Is that fair? If we are going to separate I thought about using a mediator. With him not wanting to move out in the meantime I think instead I will need to see a lawyer. I have a chronic illness which is sparked up by stress and he is causing so much more than need be. I think because he wants to be with her but does not want me to be with anyone else. I was 16 when we started to date and now have been married almost 23 years. I never thought this would happen. I am glad my kids are older as it is terrible for younger children to see there parents split up. I wish you a smooth transition ( or as smooth as possible)

I am so sorry. I have felt what you felt. it is hard to breath, think and focus. it turns your world upside down, and even if the marriage isnt great, their is a loss thats real. your mind is flooded with thoughts that will make u feel like you are drowning. I found it helpful to go for a walk, run.jog or bike ride everyday. talk talk talk to people, that helps even if you feel like your being a drag or a burden. i promise though u dont believe it will, it does get easier, just takes time. they say going thru this is like a death; you will go through the same stages of mourning. acceptance is hardest part.