Shattered HopesTogether for 18 years, married for 13, and seperated for 6 months and tonight she made it offical and perfectly clear - it's over. She has found a new life, a new religion, new friends and even a new man in her life. She still wants us to be friends for the sake of our two little girls, so that they can have both parents in their lives, but now we have to go our seperate ways and rebuilt apart.
I knew deep down that I should not have held on to the hope of us getting back together. I should not have dreamt of her giving me that one last chance that would have proven to her that I had changed. I should have from the very start work to rebuilt my life and move on as she did, but alas emotions do not follow the path of logic, and six month after, the pain of the realization that it is truly over still hits harder than I could have ever imagined.
The first thoughts are that I can never rebuilt, never love again, never be happy, but I do not have the luxury to dwell in these emotions that have already cost me 6 months of my life. For the sake of my two little girls I have to be strong and face the future that is before me because that future will also be theirs. For them I have to be the father I should have been from the start, for them I will be the husband that I should have been so that they can see that love is possible and that it can be truly wonderful when properly cared and nurtured.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and i have to remind myself of what I do have instead of what I have lost because of my ignorance, arrogance and shelfishness,
Falcran 41-45, M 0 Nov 7, 2011