Trying To RebuildHello! I am new to this forum.
Like many of you, have had the displeasure of being separated from my spouse.
It was not my choice.
Was with her for 12 years, since college, and married for 5 years. The first and only woman I ever dated and was intimate with.
Been separated for 5 months and having a hard time. She left me for a month and a half last summer but, our reunion was short-lived.
I have been suffering from depression since I was a child. She sighted this as a major reason for wanting out of the marriage. I have been seeing specialists for the last year and a half but, it was too little, too late. She did not want to go to counseling or to come and meet my psychologist. I guess she checked out a long time ago.
She told me that she didn't love me anymore and had no feelings for me. We are two different people. She did not want to work toward a family or home. Wanted no responsibility. She recently hired an attorney and began the process to file. In our state, you have to wait a year before you can divorce but, he told her she could file a few months early.
She grew up in a single parent home with an older sibling with special needs. Spent most of her life having to take care of him.
While we were in college, she could not get out much, so, I spent most of my free time with her at home.
Didn't think anything of it. Just enjoyed the quality time.
We dated for 7 years before we got married. Easily saw her being a great mother to our future children but, she had other plans.
Turns out that she is trying to catch up on lost time. Says she doesn't want to have to be responsible for another person.
We had to move out of our apartment. She is back at her mother's and I am back in my parent's home.
I honestly had good intentions when we married. Could easily see us building a family and future together. She had other ideas. Turns out, I was a means to an end for her. She admitted to me recently that she "used me" to get out of her mother's house.
That really hurts considering we walked down the aisle together. She was upset because I have been talking about it. I didn't know what else to do. I feel like I have been losing my mind. Feel like I wasted so much time.
We also have mutual friends who are caught in the middle. I feel like I have to distance myself. They were my friends first but, now people are acting standoffish. It hurts because now I feel like I can't attend group functions.
I have done everything I can to try to cope. I feel like a failure at times. I know that marriage is a two-way street. I'm used to seeing compromise. My parents have been married for 4 decades. They didn't get there by accident. The only thing that I am guilty of is beating myself up. I admit that I should have loved myself more. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. She gave up on me but, I gave up on myself way before. Working on rebuilding. Have been in the gym and trying new things but, I think about this every day. Even my therapist tells me that I need to keep busy and that this really isn't about me.
Anyway, appreciate you listening. Thanks and take care!