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I just recently moved out and separated from my husband of 25 years. It's not the first time but hopefully the last. I just learned that I have been emotionally abused from a passive-aggressive husband. For years, since the beginning, there has been issues between us. I've either chalked it up to immaturity on both our parts, learning about my husband's likes and dislikes, maybe some of my own depression issues. But after all these years, I felt not intimate with my husband and couldn't understand why. I had thoughts of what my life would be like if I was single or with someone else. I really thought I was unhappy and it was all my fault until I found the subject of passive aggressive and the veil has been lifted from my eyes. OMG! Everything made sense. I brought it up to my husband and he did his typical excuses and I explained that I love him but we have to change. I am gonna seek help for my co-dependency and said he has a year to show me that he really either loves me and wants to get help or he likes the way he is and we will just get a divorce. I am so hoping for reconciliation. I've moved 2 1/2 hours away and transferred my job and am so lonely. This is really hard and I don't have anyone to talk to yet. So I'm just reaching out here.
deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Aug 14, 2012

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Stay strong. God Bless you. I'm going through the same. Im so sorry your going through this.

Reach out and make friends. Do some volunteer work or join a group or a club. This is your time now. Embrace being single and making your own choices and living life on your terms. It is so hard in the beginning.......give into the tears when they come a push yourself during a period of renewed energy and in no time you will be feeling like you've reinvented yourself to your new life!

I feel so sorry for you reading your story. I am sure that you will find many of us on EP with similar stories and just wanting someone to chat to. Best wishes

Wow reading this, I could have written it! We have similar stories! My husband is passive aggressive massively...he moved out..I always fantasized about leaving him for TRUE LOVE and he finally moved out. I was attacked by two women who held me down and he just stood there...not helping me... because his "safety zone" was more important than me getting physically abused.......I cannot forget, I can forgive , but not forget. He also does the passive aggressiveness thing too. Deep rooted in his selfishness...his upbringing sucked, alcoholic home, abuse, he gets passive to survive and gets aggressive to take out his problems on me...I do not care what happens I am not going back to that ****. You? I am 21 years into this marriage and I need to get free, find someone who will not take their crap out on me. We are worth more than that! Life is too short! There are men out there (once we recover ) that will love and respect us...I know it is true! Hang in there...and just remember you deserve more!! It is there waiting for us!!

I am recently separated from a marriage of 20 years. We had two children - 17 and 14. If you would like a texting friend, let me know. I'm on Verizon if you have to pay per text.

I wish I could tell you I knew. As I age I find I am not sure what I want but I am pretty clear on what I DO NOT want. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster but I also mourn the person that I thought my husband was. Then I'm not sure if he ever existed and was just a figure of my imagination and I made him who I wanted him to be in my mind.

I am having terrible guilt with my children and I feel like I have to jump when he says jump.

I have definitely lost myself in this process and I have no idea how to find me. Do you have any advice you've had success with?

Hi Shannon..

Our gut feelings are rarely wrong..you find yourself by never giving up...by doing the things you love, by NOT being co-dependent to society, exe's, children etc...follow your desires...life is short, and you deserve the best!

I feel the same way. We were together for 16 years and they are precious to me. I also mourn the person I thought my husband to be. The last year he's been depressed and won't admit it to himself or he'll blame me. I don't know where to begin to find my identity.