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Sleeping Awake

To summarize my story..... I married early. Lovely foreign woman. I meant what I said at the altar and stuck with it. Lots of difficulties very early on. She stuck with it too... for about 5 years. Then she had her first affair....it was what I think of as "tripping over yourself". I am certainly capable of understanding... the story is that it was a brief one time slip up (though I realize now how the build up happened)... She denied it initially when I noticed something was up and I asked her directly. She told me a few months later. I didn't like it... but she said she was sorry, and I didn't know how else to deal with it so I forgave her and we continued on our journey. A couple years later it happened again.... only the affair was prolonged over (as far as I can tell) about 6-8 weeks... same routine... I noticed a problem... this time she did not want to talk about it... so it was easy to guess.. she confirmed my suspicions... you know the rest..... now it's happened a third time.... I almost forgave again......
but somebody caught me and talked to me about it. I started setting boundaries and consequences... she reacted in the negative.... so 11 years and 2 kids later... we are seperated... and I am stuck in her country.... unless I want my kids to grow up without a dad..... is this the right forum for this sort of sob story?
movingforward123 movingforward123 26-30, M 2 Responses Aug 29, 2012

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I can't tell you if this is the right forum for your story; I only just found it myself. I, too, married young, had two kids, and find myself in a foreign country. <br />
I have been separated for 10 months now, and it has been the most painful and rewarding journey I have made thus far. <br />
Please know that you can "do the thing you think you cannot do." (Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt!) Even if you feel like you have to do it alone, even if you are angry or scared. And especially when you find yourself swimming against the tide. Reach out.<br />
I am also a child of divorce, and if I have learned one thing it is this: you must learn to trust yourself. How else can you help your children through this?

thank you for your thoughtful words. I know what I need to do, and cannot imagine doing it. And yes I often feel alone, and am angry and scared... so you obviously have been where I am. I have realized I need to learn to trust myself and am learning to do so. Or rather I am trying. Thanks again

My goodness...that sounds a lot like my story...minus the different country. I am so sorry that you are going through that. And to be stuck in a country solely for your children...I can kind of relate. I am stuck in a province because of my children. I don't want to tear them away from their dad. Affairs suck the life out of their victims. It's horrible. My husband was always my best friend and I never dreamed he would EVER cheat on me. And like you, I gave him more than one chance to turn our marriage back on the right road...except I was dumb and gave him 7 chances. Yep...caught him 7 times in less than 2 years. Well...this time was the 8th, but I didn't give him another chance this time. I'm done. <br />
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I am looking to God for all of my strength. I know He is with me no matter what. I hope you have a good support system to help you get through this!