Separated And Super Confused

I have recently gotten separated after only 8 months of marriage. We have been together 10 years however. She came to me 5 years ago and told me she was unhappy. We worked it out then and one day she just kissed me and told me everything was going to be OK and we bought a house together. As in every relationship, we had our ups and downs, but we made it through. I proposed to her in Dec of 2010 and she said yes, but told me she would be a terrible wife. I didnt believe it because I know the amazing person she is. We were married, late December 2011, her idea for the date. The week after we got married was the happiest times in my life. I travel for my job and had to go away one week after we got married, but she texted me every day that she missed me. Anyway, fast forward to March 2012, we were planning on buying a bigger house and starting a family, and she came home one day and said that she was unhappy, that she fell out of love with me a long time ago, and that she tried to get it back, but it wasn't coming back. We went to counseling and she said some of the meanest things you could ever say to a person let alone a spouse. She told me my touch made her cringe and that she was unhappy. We said we were going to try to make it work but she was never home and didnt give it a try. She moved out on Labor Day of 2012 to a friend's apartment who is female and attached. She said she had to do this for herself. I am very much still in love with my wife after everything. I have called her and texted her since she has been gone. She said to me yesterday that she doesnt miss me, that she felt nothing left for me and that she feels happier being gone. When I said it sounds like you have made a decision that I was going to sell the house, which we bought together cause the memories are too painful and I need to move. She said she isn't rushing any decisions, and that we shouldn't tell her parents. And as slim as it may be there is still a shot for us I am hopelessly confused, if anyone can help, please do. Thanks
goldenboy9978 goldenboy9978
31-35, M
1 Response Sep 11, 2012

I went through this with my wife. I don't want to put ideas into your head, but could there be someone else? My exwife moved out suddenly (with him), told me she was happier and pretty much setup a whole new life for herself (behind my back) for months prior. There were even vacations I wasn't aware of.<br />
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I don't want to tell you to give up, but examine how much of an effort you are putting in into salvaging the relationship and compare it to her effort. You need to focus on yourself at this moment and what is good for you. You need to find out your rights in your state regarding divorce, monies and property and prepare. That being said, don't make it difficult. My divorce was finalized in two hours (with a child) because neither one of us wanted to draw it out (and it was fair all around). Also, sell the damn house. You are right in saying you need that to happen to move on and it will help.<br />
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Focus on yourself and what you need to do to be happy. A lot of what you are doing is driven by fear; monetary, emotional (being alone etc). You might not see it now but you will be happy again. I have recently started to date again and have found a new focus on family and friends.