To Tell, Or Not To Tell? I'm Dating....

After years of struggling to make a marriage exist, I chose to leave. I explained my desire to leave about a year ago. I was asked to stay for 6 months in order for my husband to try to find a job to where I would be moving to (cross country), and so my child could finish the school year. I agreed and stayed. Every day of that 6 months was a nightmare, I just wanted to go, but I made a promise, and would keep it. In the beginning of summer I was finally "released". Now I have been out of the house for 4 months and have started dating.
My dilemma: My new guy is someone I have been friends with for a long time. My child already knows this person and is very comfortable with him. I feel like I need to tell my ex what is going on, because I am not a lying kind of person and I would hate for him to find out from my child. BUT at the other end, IS it any of his business? I still can't file for divorce for 2 more months because I have to establish residency in my new state. I have every intention of doing so as soon as I can. So tell or not? If so....HOW????
movingonnow movingonnow
36-40, F
2 Responses Sep 25, 2012

No. Keep this to yourself, but I would also advise you to slow way down on the dating/new relationships in front of your child. I'm not saying don't date, just do it out of your child's sight for now. The loss is very fresh for your child and adding a new person at this point isn't helpful.

But it is NOT someone new to her life, he has been around her for a long time in fact she calls him her best friend...in fact she liked him WAY before I did :)
If he wasn't around, I think that would upset her more. She is just used to having him around.

The nature of the relationship is new. The child may know the person, and that is fine. It's HOW they know this person. Four months ago you may have spent time together as friends, but now you are spending time with this person in a completely different way. Here's a test for you; you be the child and imagine your mother with another man. Just a few months ago, your mother and father were together. There was a friend. Now the father is gone and the friend has taken the the father's relationship with the mother. You're asking a lot of a child to absorb, understand and accept this. That's a very unpredictable world for a child to have to cope with.

Nope. No reason to check in with your soon-to-be ex. If he questions things because of something your child says, then you quite simply respond with, "Yes, we've started seeing each other recently." This is your new life now, remember?