So Lonely...

I've known my husband since we were children. I dated his best friend in high school and when that ended, he and I became good friends. We talked all the time and hung out. After about a year, we started dating. He went away to college and I visited frequently. We got engaged. Life was good. Then, he cheated on me his last week of college. We both worked hard to get back on track. After being together for a little over 6 years and engaged for 2 and a half years, we got married on January 2005. We bought a house and got a dog in 2006. He cheated in January 2007. I spiraled into a depression. My grandma died in February 2007. Life sucked! We again worked to rebuild things and had our daughter in August 2008. It was amazing to see him as a father. I couldn't have felt more love for him. We had our son in September 2010. That little boy is quite a pistol. His sister was the easiest baby ever, him, not so much. The more stressed I got, the more distant my husband became. By our son's first birthday, I knew something was terribly wrong. He cheated again with the same woman from 2007. We went to a marriage counselor. He told me he was done talking to her. I found out 3 weeks ago that he has been seeing her this whole past year. He's been lying to everyone, his best friend, his parents, me, her. He moved out and into his mom's the day after I found out. We still see each other every day right now because of the kids. I can't imagine not seeing them everyday and because of my hours at work, they have to stay overnight with him. The worst part of this whole thing is that I still have hope. I love him more than I could ever explain and while I know I deserve to be treated better, I can't seem to let go. I'm so lonely in my house all alone at night. Friends and family have surrounded me, but it's not the same. I want him. I can't even bring myself to sleep in our bed. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
Jgizmo Jgizmo
31-35, F
4 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I understand your feelings, but you don't deserve to be treated that way. No one does. He is a dishonest person. Do you really like that in anyone?

It is hard to let go, but once you realize you deserve so much better, you will be grateful that you did let go.

You will be OK. This too will pass and you will feel whole again. I promise!

Respectfully,

I am missing my husband too. We aren't even divorced yet but the communication between us has always been horrible. I'm still very much in love with him but I know I can't take the strain of the relationship any more. The sex was amazing. The romance didn't exist. And he's never let his guard down around me which has always left me in doubt. It was his negative attitude towards the future that caused me to finally snap. And now that we are parting ways the communication is completely gone. I would love to have him back but the truth is he has never been mine. He would take me back of course. It would end up being more of the same, I have to let go. It is killing me to let go.

I wish you luck letting go. It's very hard.

Listen you have to understand that once a man cheats and you give him another chance, and he still does it aagain, he will always keep doing it, because he feels that no matter what he does you will always take him back....ugh. You have to understand that things in life happen for a reason. You do not want to catch an STD from this careless man, and cut your life short.

You need to work on your self-esteem and independance. You always want a man to feel that you do not need them for %^#!. Ok...message me if you wanna talk...good luck

I understand everything you said, but you need to understand that I'm not ready to let go. When I am, I will. Everyone wants to tell me what they would do and what I should do. At the end of the day, I need to be 100% okay with any decision I make. I will be the one to answer for it, not anyone else. Thank you for your response.

I'd hate to say it, but it looks as though your husband has checked out of the marriage, and unless he changes his mind on his own, nothing can change it :(

My ex-wife did the same thing, and while I can't prove that she cheated on me with anyone, I do have my suspicions. All I can say at this point is that the road ahead is difficult, as I've traveled it myself, but I know that you can get through it. I did, and the longer you pine over your ex the harder it will be.

It's just really hard. We both cry when he leaves after being here. He has been more open and honest with me over the last two weeks than he has the entire last year. I miss him terribly.

Isn't it strange how after the fact the communication and openness comes? My husband and I talk more lately than ever and he has spent more time with the kids in the past month than he has in the past year. I don't know if it's fear or guilt but it makes me love him more so I understand how you feel. After all he has put me through, I want to just hate him but I can't. He even asked me how I can even want him back after what he did and all I could say is because I love him with all of me. People think I'm crazy but it seems you know exactly how I feel.

You hit the nail on the head. Watching him with the kids lately has made me love him more. He also asked how I could still want him. I told him I never stopped. I really do think we are pretty much feeling the same things.

I'm no where near over it. Not sure when I will ever be. As far as getting out of bed, I have to go to work and take care of my kids. That's what keeps me going. That and hope. I'm here if you need to talk/vent.

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