A Long Sad Drive...I had an opportunity this weekend to go back to our house to get a few more of my things and pick up my boys for a few hours. I never knew how hard it was going to be. It's a 3 hour drive from where i'm staying now to get to the home my children and my ex lives in. That's a long lonely emotional drive. I drive along excited to see my boys and at the same time nervous about being around her. How will she act? What will she say? I fantasize about her telling me she's changed her mind and wants to try to work things out then reality kicks in and I know that won't happen. Would I really want to? What would I say?
I turn on the radio to try to distract my thoughts away from the first face to face meeting with her since she told me it was over. The radio doesn't help. All I here are love songs which makes me bitter or songs about lost love which adds to my sadness.
I'm getting closer now and I wonder how my boys are going to react to me. This will be the first time i've been to get them since she told them that mommy and daddy were not going to be together anymore. She told me over the phone that they were taking things well. What exactly did she tell them? Do they really understand what this means? What can I do to make it hurt less for them?
Now i'm getting off the interstate. There is the resturant we used to eat at regularly. There is the grocery store we always used. There is the turn to the lake where we would go camp and swim as a family. There is the title office where we closed the loan on our home. All the memories flood back into my mind as I drive along.
Now i'm on our street. Do our neighbors know? Has she told them what's going on? Now i'm pulling into our drive like I have thousands of times.
My youngest son comes out to meet me like he always does. "Hi Dad" he says as I give him a bear hug and he walks with me to the door. When I walk in with him, there she is, standing there looking at me. I try to read her ex
When we get back home I walk them in and give them hugs and tell them I love them. I go into the kitchen where my soon to be ex wife is and tell her that i've got to go. I tell her when I will be able to come back again to get the boys and that I hope through this all we can at least remain friends. She just says "ok" and then after a moment of silence I go to my truck and drive away. Tears run down my cheeks and feelings of despair periodically plague my drive back. I think to myself... Is this how this drive is going to be everytime?