And I feel fine

Almost two weeks since I moved out, and I am doing well. My therapist says this is the happiest he has seen me in eight months. I am relieved. My husband did not want me to move out. I know I am breaking his heart,I do feel bad that I hurt him. I know I made the right decision for me.
Looking back, I wish I had never married my husband. There were so many red flags that I ignored. I became someone I didn't recognise in order to make the relationship work. When I found myself again, I had already fallen out of love with him. I am not going back.
No children involved, so that is a blessing, but I would still be leaving him. No affair either, at least on my part. I wish we were already divorced.
Rachmiel Rachmiel
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

I told my husband a couple years ago that i felt as though I lost myself. He acted as though it was just another one of my stupid overally dramatic feelings. I know its true though, I lost myself in taking care of him. He has been gone for a week. I'm starting to see little signs of me. Tonigt I even made a fire in the wood stove by myself. That is one thing living with him for 8 years has done, forced me to learn and do things myself.

Once you find yourself, you will never want to go back to the way things were, life is too short to be miserable

I know what you mean about finding yourself again and being fine. I have been married for 20 years. I moved away from my family and friends and moved to his home state 15 years ago. His mother always treated me like everything is did was wrong and she would say mean things to me when there was no one else around. She spread alot of lies about me when my husband was in Iraq to try to make me leave him. I would tell my husband and he never believed me but believed her. My husband would throw temper tantrums and break things and throw things at me if I would say things he didn't agree with. He became a real *** and made me feel that basically I should never say he's done anything wrong or question him and always be available for sex , even when he was acting like a jerk. It wasn't long before I was no longer me. It seemed like we were just always mad at each other. Two weeks before Christmas he told me he didn't love me any more. While I was hurt, I have to say I feel the same way. We have two children 17 and 13. They say why did we wait so long. It hurts me to say but they don't like him and don't want to visit him when he moves out. Of course I know they love him because he is their dad. Yes he is still living with us but will be out by the end of this month. I agreed to let him stay in the spare bedroom until he moves out to ease the kids into it and for financial reasons. But honestly, I can't wait for him to go. I do think he has someone else and that is why he wants this but I don't really care. Financially I am scared but that is it. I want me back and I can only come back when he is gone. Oh, and his mama got him a place to rent with one of her old classmates and is taking care of getting him all set up in his new place. Perfect, I hope they will be happy together. Sorry, too much information?

No not too much, this forum is for sharing, and support. Just have to keep moving forward, and do the best you can.