I Am Newly Separated
My husband and I had our ups and downs. I really thought we could survive just about anything. We lasted four deployments, he had three affairs during them. We worked at it, talked, stayed honest, and tried to stay devoted to loving each other, and to our children.
For more than a year now, he pulled away, worked more, avoided home, didn't talk to me about anything important anymore. I really thought he had either had a crisis point start when he turned 40, or he was having an affair. After all, he wouldn't even be assertive in the bedroom anymore. SO I got up the nerve and I asked if he would be willing to be more assertive in the bedroom. Even admitted I have always had certain curiosities and I would be glad to explore them, and any he had in return. Much to my surprise, he was not interested, he wasn't having an affair,he simply didn't have ANY sex drive anymore. Apparently since his vasectomy, he really had no urge to make love. I had no idea what to even say. We tried...we worked on our emotional intimacy, we went to movies, had date nights, read books..but I felt like I had a room mate, not a husband. How do you address that issue when he LIKED it that way?!
It started to strain things. I like to be touched, and touch, I started to get angry, and then feel like I was being selfish and demanding. I didn't WANT to be 30 and have my sex life be over, but an affair is not for me. I didn't WANT to have to beg to be held. I resented it. We all have needs right?
After a whole lot of discussion, tears, and hard facts, we decided it was best to split. It has been surprisingly successful so far. We have a comfortable relationship as parents, our kids have responded well to daddy moving out. Big bonus, he is happy on his own, he feels like he doesn't have any pressure to be someone he isn't anymore. Now I am going to figure out what makes me happy. So on to new things.
For more than a year now, he pulled away, worked more, avoided home, didn't talk to me about anything important anymore. I really thought he had either had a crisis point start when he turned 40, or he was having an affair. After all, he wouldn't even be assertive in the bedroom anymore. SO I got up the nerve and I asked if he would be willing to be more assertive in the bedroom. Even admitted I have always had certain curiosities and I would be glad to explore them, and any he had in return. Much to my surprise, he was not interested, he wasn't having an affair,he simply didn't have ANY sex drive anymore. Apparently since his vasectomy, he really had no urge to make love. I had no idea what to even say. We tried...we worked on our emotional intimacy, we went to movies, had date nights, read books..but I felt like I had a room mate, not a husband. How do you address that issue when he LIKED it that way?!
It started to strain things. I like to be touched, and touch, I started to get angry, and then feel like I was being selfish and demanding. I didn't WANT to be 30 and have my sex life be over, but an affair is not for me. I didn't WANT to have to beg to be held. I resented it. We all have needs right?
After a whole lot of discussion, tears, and hard facts, we decided it was best to split. It has been surprisingly successful so far. We have a comfortable relationship as parents, our kids have responded well to daddy moving out. Big bonus, he is happy on his own, he feels like he doesn't have any pressure to be someone he isn't anymore. Now I am going to figure out what makes me happy. So on to new things.
By:
questingsoul
Age:
26-30
,
Female
