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Life On My Own Terms

In the end, he found out before I could tell him I was leaving.  Actually, that is a much better way - clean, smooth and quiet.  No crying, no emotions.  He called from work and said that he had been reading my EP stories.  He got in through a mutual friend since I deleted him long ago (he hadn't read anything in months and talking had been non existant for years).

He asked if I could stay until our daughter was in a group home.  Five years, was he crazy, I didn't want to stay 5 minutes. 

So I'm preparing to live life on my own terms.  To be the one calling the shots.  To come and go as I please. To be skyclad in my home without my elderly father in law coming in.  To finally relax and be myself, be the person I always wanted to be - or at least the one who is coming out now. 

Love is out there. Real mature lasting love. Love that doesn't treat me like I'm less than him because I'm a woman.  Love that is responsible and good   I'm scared at this point that I won't find it, but it's time to leave, to be free of the lie I've been living for too long.  Nothing is standing in the way anymore. 

 

gdgtgrl gdgtgrl 41-45, F 10 Responses Sep 1, 2008

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I'm curious about your daughter - what type of group home does she need, how old is she, and will she be going with you? I completely understand your wish/need to be free, but I'm just wondering how it will impact your daughter? I'm not trying to sound unsupportive, believe me! I am only curious because I may be in a similar situation.

Oh I get that! I can't wait to be independent! To call my own shots, as you say!! Congrats to you, and to me too! :D

After being in a marriage for 20 years on his terms, I understand! No longer will I allow him to control me and neither should you! I am scared also I will never find love again but I also know that I would rather be on my own then in an abusive, controling marriage! I am finding my own inner strength and yes I am lonely but I also realize that I can create my own future! You can too!

Yes yes yes!! Same here! We rock!

I feel so much of your same feelings! I am here for you...I know MATURE LOVE is out there too! I am learning to love myself to know that that is mature.

I think you did the right thing, although I have no idea how bad your marriage was. But you left because you had to live your own life. That takes courage and self love. And now here you are (but this is an old post). Are you better off now? I sure hope so. I'll tell you two things in case you're actually still on this forum...1) It's way better to be alone and single than to be lonely in a marriage, and 2) There is REAL MATURE LASTING LOVE out there. I know this for a fact and experience it every single day now.<br />
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I hope all turned out well for you : ) And if you're still feeling blue or questioning your decision, then I hope you are at least still loving your self in the meantime...that will make all things possible.

Thanks Indy..but you know where we are on that!

To both of you.<br />
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IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!<br />
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It's NOT too late.<br />
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Get counselling. It can make all the difference.

With 2 failed marriages in my past, my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry that it has come to this.

sela and iwm - thanks for the comments. Yes I'm amazed he got in though a friends profile, but oh well. For now though, I'm looking at apartments moving on.

OMG!!! I can't believe he found out!! <br />
Now that I've gotten that out of my system...<br />
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Good for Gadget!! I have to admit, there are some days that I wish the choice would be taken away from me...that he would some how find my EP stories...but then again...he probably wouldn't do anything about it...he never does anything.....sighs.....<br />
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Good luck my friend....it won't be easy, but as you said, life will be on YOUR terms....