After 18 years of marriage, my wife took our children and went to a rent house a week ago, one week after a hysterectomy. I'm hoping that after a while to heal her body, mind, and spirit, she will consider reconciling. For now however, I'm just devastated. We have had relationship problems in the past but it's nothing that can't be fixed. Yes, we did try extensive counseling until she stopped going recently. She's acting like a different person, and the friends she's relying on are not in favor of our marriage continuing. The others that want to see us reconcile, she has alienated.

So, in the mean time, I still support her financially. She gets a big chunk of my income and I guess that's doing good for her for now cause there are no lawyers involved. I'm not going to file first as I believe in not only our commitment to each other, but our commitment to God in marriage. She seems committed to her own happiness and I seem to be the stumbling block for her.

I'm not trying to pursue her anymore. I'm letting her have her freedom and space. Before she left I was being very tender and supportive, now I'm mostly business with her and not trying to make time to spend time with her. I help with kids, but I'm not trying to go out of my way to help her. This is really hard actually, but so is being constantly rejected. I have felt like an abused puppy at times and having some peace from that seems nice at times. Still, a huge hole has been ripped from my heart and sometimes I break down in tears of heart break. It's getting better with time however.

So, I've been reconnecting with old friends, family, and hobbys I've missed. Eating better. Exercising. Doing some things she would not approve of like picking up hitch hikers and going out of my way to help others.

I still hope we can put our family back together at some point, but she's going to have to take responsibility for her part in this and so far she just want to blame it 95% on me.

I miss my wife and our family, and do not enjoy the thought of two more broken homes.

fundrummerdad fundrummerdad
41-45, M
3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

So an update. We are headed toward divorce. She felt like she was not getting enough money per month from me, so she filed. She is now getting less. Emotionally I have become very detached from her and as such my stress has been greatly reduced. Also, it appears that financially I will come out just fine in this and I feel it's fair for both of us. I spend time with the kids during the week and also on weekends. We just got back from the pool. :-)
I followed the divorce busting principles and it's helped me be ok with me, whether or not she comes back. At this point, I'm NOT going back to what we had before which includes:No intimacy; lack of trust, her in control, criticism, and disrespect. I would not expect her to go back to what I was responsible for which is: apathy; self-centeredness; insecurity; indecisiveness; and resentment. IF we reconcile - all of these things will need to be fixed in any future relationship. At least now, we can just work on schedules with the kids and there are no expectations other than that. It's freedom from the pain that was our marriage. It hurt, man it hurt, leaving it behind. It felt like having a tumor cut-out without pain killer. The process of the separation is painful but brings needed healing in the end.

Hi just wondering how things were going? I have just had a big argument with my wife tonight. I told her I was possibly going to sell the house when she finally leaves us. Keep in mind the legal separation, custody, and home arrangements have already been agreed upon. I have 2 houses, one which is a rental property. She has agreed and signed the documents. After I mentioned selling it did not turn out so well. She got offended and basically said I can't foresee the future and it is very possible we get back together. Then she said if I sell and move that she will take the children. I am confused about that. We have 14 acres and a 2200 square foot home. I cannot take care of all this work and support and raise 2 children. I am very confused and hope that we do get back together and everything works out. Menopause is a terrible thing. She would have moved if she had money. I will not give her a dime other than feed her and give her a place to stay health insurance and so on. It is her choice to leave so if the grass is greener on the other side go. I bet she will hopefully see it's not . My career and hard work to give my family everything basically help my marriage fail. I should have worked less.

This is my life to the "T". The only difference is my wife has signed papers saying I am the primary custodial parent and there is no money going to her. My attorney drew up the papers. Unfortunately she has no money to move out and I will not finance her happiness. I am still in love and I do want to remain together so I am giving her space. Her stupid friends are giving her horrible advice because they are unhappy in their own marriages., I hope to reconcile like you. My heart aches for my children. Hopefully are families will become one again!